The Calendar Post
Jun. 6th, 2008 11:15 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shapinglightBet you thought you'd escaped from it this month, didn't you? I fear not, however. Here is the Calendar Post for June, brought to you courtesy of what is (possibly) the last (and probably the worst, consisting as it does of promo shots only and no screencaps at all) BtVS calendar.
Last month this happened. Now read on, or yawn and wander off to watch paint dry.
This month is Spike month in the BtVS calendar, so of course heavenly choirs are breaking out every so often into the Hallelujah Chorus to celebrate. Pity poor old Angel, who survived the Dawnquake just barely, is having trouble hearing them.
Poor thing. He's worn out after all thistrying to squeeze blood out of a stone polite requesting of photographs for his and Spike's Two Year Anniversary wedding album and has gone home for some r&r.
Time Out For Dull Exposition While Spike and Angel Have Lots and Lots of Sex
It's been previously established that the Two Year Anniversary is very important for vampire couples because if they can make it that far, there's a reasonably good chance they won't stake each other - the next important anniversary is the 13th (of course) and after that the 29th, for no reason whatesoever except that generally speaking vampires hate even numbers, as should have been established in Sesame Street, but wasn't for some reason), though they make an exception for 2.
What do you mean, did I make that up?
End of Dull Exposition
Angel and Spike are now snuggled up together in a state of post-coital bliss - though this will only last until they start arguing about whose turn it is to make the cocoa.
Spike: I've missed you, love. Next time you go to visit Buffy, can I come? :makes Puss in Boots eyes:
Angel: What did you say?
Spike (rolls eyes): I said, I missed you, you pillock. You going deaf, or what? Also, had this weird letter from Dru yesterday. It's addressed to you but I would've opened it anyway. Didn't though. Buggered if I know what she's on about usually, so I thought I'd let you work it out for yourself.
:Hands letter over, but Angel, having only heard the word 'buggered' through the ringing in his ears, pounces on him to do just that:
Ten Exhausting Minutes, Interspersed With Random Outbreaks of the Hallelujah Chorus, Later
Spike (looking all tousled and extremely well-shagged): All right, changed my mind. Go to Buffy's without me as often as you want, if you promise to be this up for it when you get back.
Angel: Pardon?
Spike (rolls eyes again): Never mind. Tell you what, I'll make the cocoa while you read Dru's letter.
:Rolls eyes again at the bewildered look on Angel's face:
Spike (never the most patient of people): COCOA! READ DRU'S LETTER!
:Waves the letter under Angel's nose. Stomps off to the kitchen:
Angel (tears himself away from admiring Spike's departing bum and opens letter. Reads: Oh no!
For yes, it appears Dru has Got Wind of Something, and the letter, which is written on torn, lavender-scented paper, is folded round three slightly dog-eared photographs.
It reads like this:
Dearest Daddy, you naughty, naughty boy!
The stars told me - or was it the pixies, I can't remember - that you are collecting daguerrotypes or possibly stamps, the star/pixie channel was fuzzy that day - for yours and my little Spike's 2nd Wedding Anniversary. I remember mine and Spike's 2nd Wedding Anniversary ever so well. We made a solemn vow to not stake each other for at least another one hundred years. It was very romantic.
Anyway, you are a bad, bad daddy to steal my little Spike from me, and it hurts dreadfully :yum! do it again! do it again!: but even so, I thought I would send you these because how can a collection of pictures for my little Spike be complete without one of me?
Your darling, and not at all obedient, daughter
Drusilla
P.S. I also included two of just him in case you like them, and also because they make my little Fungus frightfully jealous whenever he sees them.
Angel (puzzled): Fungus? Who the hell is Fungus? Also, why can't I hear what I'm saying?
He looks at the pictures. The first, the top small picture on the calendar, is of Spike circa season 2 in the original Spike get-up of duster, maroon (yes, maroon, and it really is) t-shirt and red shirt.
Angel (who is thinking that the album really ought to have a big picture of Spike and a big picture of himself at the front): Hm. No, too evil-looking.
The second small picture is of Spike striding towards the camera circa season 4 (I think) with his duster billowing around him.
Angel: Eww! (he's been around Dawn too long): He looks like some sort of weird catwalk model. :he tosses the picture on the floor, then thinks better of it and stuffs it under his pillow:
The third small picture is a very nice one of Spike and Dru from season 2 looking all devoted and sweet.
Angel (ponders what Dru said about no photo album for Spike being complete without a picture of her. Sort of agrees. Looks at the picture again): No way! I'm sure I have one of her in vampire face - possibly kissing Darla - somewhere. Much more suitable. :stuffs letter under pillow too, then thinks better of it and eats it:
Spike (coming back with the cocoa): You talkin' to yourself now, mate? You really are getting senile, aren't you?
Angel (swallows hard, chokes, then holds hand to ear): Can't hear you.
Spike: I SAID -. Never mind. Can't be arsed. :gets back in bed, puts on William-like steel-rimmed glasses, picks up book and buries nose in it:
Angel (sipping cocoa) thinks: Think I got away with it.
He also thinks of a certain very gorgeous photo of Spike circa season 5 standing next to a wall and sort of half-smiling (not smirking, but actually smiling) at the camera, which is the big picture on the calendar.
Angel (thinks): That's the one!
He's so pleased that he starts stroking Spike's leg, ready for Round 22 (or is it 23, he's lost count?), but Spike bats his hand away.
Spike: Not now. This is an exciting bit.
Angel (pouncing): Can't hear you.
Another Ten Exhausting, Sound Track Courtesy of Handel Which Spike Takes Time-out From Shagging To Bitch About Because He Thinks the Sex Pistols Would Have Been More Appropriate, Minutes Later
Spike is asleep (completely shagged out).
Angel is feeling very pleased with himself until he remembers who he has to ask for a photo next.
Angel: Aargh- no!
And on that exciting cliffhanger, we leave our hero for the moment (not that Angel feels very heroic just now, but then this is Anya we're talking about. Okay, she's not quite as scary as Dawn, but almost).
Tune in again next month or run, you fool, run! Ah-ha-ha-hah!
Last month this happened. Now read on, or yawn and wander off to watch paint dry.
This month is Spike month in the BtVS calendar, so of course heavenly choirs are breaking out every so often into the Hallelujah Chorus to celebrate. Pity poor old Angel, who survived the Dawnquake just barely, is having trouble hearing them.
Poor thing. He's worn out after all this
Time Out For Dull Exposition While Spike and Angel Have Lots and Lots of Sex
It's been previously established that the Two Year Anniversary is very important for vampire couples because if they can make it that far, there's a reasonably good chance they won't stake each other - the next important anniversary is the 13th (of course) and after that the 29th, for no reason whatesoever except that generally speaking vampires hate even numbers, as should have been established in Sesame Street, but wasn't for some reason), though they make an exception for 2.
What do you mean, did I make that up?
End of Dull Exposition
Angel and Spike are now snuggled up together in a state of post-coital bliss - though this will only last until they start arguing about whose turn it is to make the cocoa.
Spike: I've missed you, love. Next time you go to visit Buffy, can I come? :makes Puss in Boots eyes:
Angel: What did you say?
Spike (rolls eyes): I said, I missed you, you pillock. You going deaf, or what? Also, had this weird letter from Dru yesterday. It's addressed to you but I would've opened it anyway. Didn't though. Buggered if I know what she's on about usually, so I thought I'd let you work it out for yourself.
:Hands letter over, but Angel, having only heard the word 'buggered' through the ringing in his ears, pounces on him to do just that:
Ten Exhausting Minutes, Interspersed With Random Outbreaks of the Hallelujah Chorus, Later
Spike (looking all tousled and extremely well-shagged): All right, changed my mind. Go to Buffy's without me as often as you want, if you promise to be this up for it when you get back.
Angel: Pardon?
Spike (rolls eyes again): Never mind. Tell you what, I'll make the cocoa while you read Dru's letter.
:Rolls eyes again at the bewildered look on Angel's face:
Spike (never the most patient of people): COCOA! READ DRU'S LETTER!
:Waves the letter under Angel's nose. Stomps off to the kitchen:
Angel (tears himself away from admiring Spike's departing bum and opens letter. Reads: Oh no!
For yes, it appears Dru has Got Wind of Something, and the letter, which is written on torn, lavender-scented paper, is folded round three slightly dog-eared photographs.
It reads like this:
Dearest Daddy, you naughty, naughty boy!
The stars told me - or was it the pixies, I can't remember - that you are collecting daguerrotypes or possibly stamps, the star/pixie channel was fuzzy that day - for yours and my little Spike's 2nd Wedding Anniversary. I remember mine and Spike's 2nd Wedding Anniversary ever so well. We made a solemn vow to not stake each other for at least another one hundred years. It was very romantic.
Anyway, you are a bad, bad daddy to steal my little Spike from me, and it hurts dreadfully :yum! do it again! do it again!: but even so, I thought I would send you these because how can a collection of pictures for my little Spike be complete without one of me?
Your darling, and not at all obedient, daughter
Drusilla
P.S. I also included two of just him in case you like them, and also because they make my little Fungus frightfully jealous whenever he sees them.
Angel (puzzled): Fungus? Who the hell is Fungus? Also, why can't I hear what I'm saying?
He looks at the pictures. The first, the top small picture on the calendar, is of Spike circa season 2 in the original Spike get-up of duster, maroon (yes, maroon, and it really is) t-shirt and red shirt.
Angel (who is thinking that the album really ought to have a big picture of Spike and a big picture of himself at the front): Hm. No, too evil-looking.
The second small picture is of Spike striding towards the camera circa season 4 (I think) with his duster billowing around him.
Angel: Eww! (he's been around Dawn too long): He looks like some sort of weird catwalk model. :he tosses the picture on the floor, then thinks better of it and stuffs it under his pillow:
The third small picture is a very nice one of Spike and Dru from season 2 looking all devoted and sweet.
Angel (ponders what Dru said about no photo album for Spike being complete without a picture of her. Sort of agrees. Looks at the picture again): No way! I'm sure I have one of her in vampire face - possibly kissing Darla - somewhere. Much more suitable. :stuffs letter under pillow too, then thinks better of it and eats it:
Spike (coming back with the cocoa): You talkin' to yourself now, mate? You really are getting senile, aren't you?
Angel (swallows hard, chokes, then holds hand to ear): Can't hear you.
Spike: I SAID -. Never mind. Can't be arsed. :gets back in bed, puts on William-like steel-rimmed glasses, picks up book and buries nose in it:
Angel (sipping cocoa) thinks: Think I got away with it.
He also thinks of a certain very gorgeous photo of Spike circa season 5 standing next to a wall and sort of half-smiling (not smirking, but actually smiling) at the camera, which is the big picture on the calendar.
Angel (thinks): That's the one!
He's so pleased that he starts stroking Spike's leg, ready for Round 22 (or is it 23, he's lost count?), but Spike bats his hand away.
Spike: Not now. This is an exciting bit.
Angel (pouncing): Can't hear you.
Another Ten Exhausting, Sound Track Courtesy of Handel Which Spike Takes Time-out From Shagging To Bitch About Because He Thinks the Sex Pistols Would Have Been More Appropriate, Minutes Later
Spike is asleep (completely shagged out).
Angel is feeling very pleased with himself until he remembers who he has to ask for a photo next.
Angel: Aargh- no!
And on that exciting cliffhanger, we leave our hero for the moment (not that Angel feels very heroic just now, but then this is Anya we're talking about. Okay, she's not quite as scary as Dawn, but almost).
Tune in again next month or run, you fool, run! Ah-ha-ha-hah!