...Repent at Leisure

[shapinglight]

I'm away for the Bank Holiday weekend early tomorrow (back some time on Monday), and this story, which I wrote for whichclothes's Spanking Spike Ficathon but failed to finish in time is not getting any better, so I thought I would just post it.

Setting: Some indeterminate never-never time in AtS season 5
Pairing: Spike, Giles/Wesley.
Rating: PG-13 (it's rather sedate for a spanking fic)
Unbeta'd: And I may well come back on Monday, decide it's still terrible and take it down again.
Sequel to my Drunken Giles Ficathon fic Marry in Haste..., and if you don't read that first (it's shorter than this one), you won't have a clue what's happening.
2000 words

...Repent at Leisure



Spike twisted to look back over his shoulder, which had the unfortunate effect of setting him swinging to and fro like a pendulum.

"You've gone to an awful lot of trouble just for little me."

A hand on his bare hip steadied him, and just in time. He'd begun to feel a bit nauseous.

"True," Giles agreed. "You have put me to a lot of trouble. And expense, I might add." He raised an eyebrow. "And not just today."

Spike rolled his eyes. Some people had no sense of humour.

"This isn't still sour grapes over Vegas, is it, Rupes? Was only a bit of fun, mate. Thought you were over it."

Giles had taken off his jacket and was rolling up his sleeves.

"A bit of fun?"he almost growled. "So that's what you think it was, do you?"

Spike craned over his shoulder again, trying for a better look at the objects lined up on the occasional table next to Giles's armchair. Some of them had shapes he didn't much care for, but he couldn't see far enough around his own body to get a proper look at them.

Whatever they were, though, given his current predicament -bare arsed and dangling in chains from a hook in the ceiling - keeping Giles talking and his attention away from them seemed like a good idea.

"Well...yeah," he said. "I mean, what would you call it?"

Giles paused in the act of loosening his tie.

"What would I call it? Let's see now. How about a gross violation of my person, for a start."

Spike's mouth dropped open in indignation.

"I never bloody touched your person - which is more than I can say for you. I come to your house in good faith, and you roofie me, strip me naked while I'm unconscious and hang me up in chains. That's entrapment for a start. Or vampnapping anyway. "

"You're not naked," Giles said, in the weary tone of someone tired of pointing out the obvious. "You're still wearing your t-shirt, and it's hardly my fault if you can't be bothered with underwear, is it?"

He took off his glasses and stowed them away in their case, before treating Spike to a myopic glare.

"Also, I may have 'roofied' you, as you put it, but in Las Vegas you got me so drunk I ended up marrying another man in a wedding chapel belonging to a demon religion to which I'm in no way, shape or form affiliated. And I'm not even gay. How do you think that makes me feel?"

This blatantly unfair comparison was the last straw. Bugger the consequences, Spike decided. He was going to give Giles a piece of his mind.

"How do I think that makes you feel?" he sneered. "Oh, I dunno. Sorry that you haven't tried snogging another bloke before? It's not like you and Percy spent your wedding night just holding hands, is it? Get over it, Rupes. You had fun and you know it."

Giles glared at him again, and Spike glared back. There was a short, bad-tempered silence.

"So, we're quits, then," Spike said, at last, when Giles didn't seem inclined to do the decent thing and admit he was in the wrong. "You accept I was just trying to broaden your mind before you're too old to enjoy new experiences, and I accept your apology. Any time you wanna let me go, is fine by me."

Giles shook his head. "I'm afraid not. Firstly, you're the last person I'd come to if I wanted my mind broadened. Secondly, your motives were anything but high-minded, and you know it. We're not done with you yet, Spike. In fact, we've hardly started."

Spike blinked. We? He gazed around the room, setting himself swinging again. But there was no one in sight except Giles. This got worse by the minute. Sane Watchers were bad enough, but barmy ones...

Again, ignoring the wild - and very unfair- accusations and keeping the conversation going seemed like the wisest option.

"What d'you mean you've hardly started? That some kind of threat?"

"Caught up at last, have you?" Giles was rolling his shoulders and flexing his wrists. "Why, yes, Spike. It is. I'm going to spank you, like the badly behaved adolescent you are."

He turned his back and carried on with his warming up exercises. "Don't try and talk me out of it, because you can't."

Spike realised his mouth was hanging open again, in astonishment this time. It was pretty clear Giles wasn't bluffing.Those objects on the table Spike couldn't quite see were suddenly bothering him more than ever.

When Giles turned around again, all grim determination, Spike said, quickly, with what he hoped was enough contrition in his voice to talk himself out of this jam without losing face altogether,

"All right. I admit it. Wasn't just a bit of fun. Wanted some payback -harmless, non-fatal payback- for you trying to get me killed in Sunnydale. But we're quits now, yeah? You settle for letting me off with a warning, or maybe a severe dressing down, I promise never to play matchmaker again. Sorted."

"Not a bloody chance."

Giles crossed to the door, where the chains that held Spike dangling from his hook were wound around a sturdy wall bracket. He loosened them and Spike found himself lurching downwards - one notch, then another. The floor was looming up fast, but before he hit it, hands seized hold of him and moments later, he was draped over Giles's knee, with Giles's large, warm palm splayed across his bare bum.

It felt...nice, to be honest -not that Spike would ever admit it - but his muscles contracted in fear all the same. That palm was ominously heavy and powerful, and it felt like it knew what it was doing.

"You're bluffing," he said, though he didn't really believe it. "You're gonna let me go in a minute, aren't you?"

"I'm afraid not." Giles's big hand squeezed in a proprietary fashion. "I don't make a habit of chaining half-naked vampires to my living room ceiling and then just letting them go again."

There was a swish of air as his arm went up and back.

"Wait!" Spike winced at the note of outright panic in his voice, but to his relief, Giles's arm dropped again without landing a blow.

"Why should I?" Giles enquired. He sounded genuinely curious.

Spike's brain scrambled frantically this way and that. But nothing came to mind.

"Because spanking vampires is stupid and beneath your Watcherly dignity" he ventured, at last.

Giles gave a disbelieving snort. "Oh come, Spike. Surely even you can do better than that."

He squeezed Spike's bum again, harder than was quite pleasant. "And for the record, I've wanted to do this ever since you were chained up in my bathroom in Sunnydale, making my life hell - drinking all my scotch, damaging my precious LPs and insulting my..my masculinity every time I used the bathroom."

"I was evil then," Spike pointed out, indignantly. "I couldn't help myself. Not fair you holding grudges about stuff I did when I didn't have a soul."

Giles drummed his fingers on Spike's bum, like it was some sort of executive toy, while he considered this.

"Not good enough," he said, at last. "As I recall, you were in full possession of your soul in Las Vegas and it didn't stop you being evil."

"Oh come on!" Spike protested. "That was borderline evil at best. No one got hurt, did they?" He smirked a little, despite himself. "'Cept for their pride, of course."

Giles's fingers stopped drumming. "Hmm," he said, which sounded promising. Spike held his breath. There was a pause, during which you could have heard a pin drop. Then Giles sighed.

"Still not good enough, I'm afraid. Believe it or not, Spike, I concede I deserved it. What I did to you in Sunnydale was...questionable, at best. But you had to go involving Wesley too. I draw the line at that."

He flexed his spanking wrist again. "Now, I don't have all day. Do be quiet and let me get on with it. Well, as quiet as you can be in the circumstances anyway."

There was another swish of air, as Giles's arm went up and back again.

"Wait! What about compensation?" Spike gabbled, but not before a big palm impacted with his right arsecheek so hard he yelped out loud.

"Oww!" he groaned, miserably.

But Giles's hand had come to rest again. "Compensation? What on earth do you mean?"

In actual fact, Spike was a bit short of cash, as per. On the other hand, Angel had plenty of it. The old man wouldn't notice if a bit went missing, surely, and even if he did, Spike thought, it served him right for agreeing to work for Evil Incorporated. Plus, if it hadn't been for Angel sending him on this field trip to find Percy and bring him back to LA, Spike wouldn't be here in the first place.

In other words, it was all Angel's fault. As usual.

"How about I refund you the money for the entire Vegas trip," Spike offered. "Airfare, hotel bill, drinks - the fee for the wedding licence, the rings. I'll even sacrifice a goat to dear old Guernenthar, if you like. He takes a very dim view of divorce."

There was a short silence. Then Giles said, "Divorce? Which divorce do you mean?"

Spike rolled his eyes. He craned his head around, trying to see Giles's face again. "Yours and Percy's o'course. Which divorce did you think I meant?"

To his surprise, Giles laughed. The bastard actually laughed.

"My dear fellow," Giles said, "I don't know what gave you the idea we were divorced. And don't call him Percy. He really, really doesn't like it, you know."

He raised his voice. "Wesley, darling, come here please"

"Coming," a familiar voice called, from elsewhere in the flat.

Spike found himself mouthing the words along with Giles. Wesley...darling?

He craned around Giles's knee, to see the door open and Percy waltz into the room. Spike's skin shrank with embarrassment. Giles seeing him like this, pants down, like a naughty schoolboy, was bad enough, but Percy.......

All those gibes about Percy's stint as head boy suddenly didn't seem so funny.

"Is it my turn yet?" Percy asked. He put his left hand on Giles's shoulder, and when Giles covered it with his own, Spike saw they were both still wearing their cheap Las Vegas wedding rings.

"Not yet." Giles smiled dopily at Percy. "In fact, I've hardly started. But I thought you might like to watch."

"I'd love to," Percy said, with unnerving enthusiasm. "I see you've already left a beautiful handprint on his right cheek. But the left one ought to match, don't you think?"

He put his chin on Giles's shoulder, nuzzling him under his ear, and Giles sort of...giggled.

Spike gaped at them both. This got worse and worse. Not one barmy Watcher, but two, both of them with an axe to grind, and himself as the axe in question.

This was so bloody unfair.

"So you two're still married, then?"

"But of course," Giles said. "Best decision I ever made in my life." At which Percy beamed like an idiot and kissed Giles's cheek.

"Me too, darling."

They gazed deep into each other's eyes, with matching expressions of sickening uxoriousness, while Spike stared at them, feeling slightly queasy.

He made one last vain attempt to save himself.

"So why're you two lovebirds punishing me, then? From the look of it, I did you a bloody favour."

The lovebirds in question turned to look at him.

"Indubitably," Giles agreed. "But it's the principal of the thing, you see. We married in haste, and you know what that means, don't you?"

His arm went up and back again. "Gag him for me, would you, Wesley dearest? It's time someone repented at leisure."