The Calendar Post
Mar. 3rd, 2008 01:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shapinglightIt being March 3rd, it's time for the calendar post. Hooray, I hear you say, or possibly, aargh, let me out of here.
Last month, this happened. Now read on.
Having found a very nice picture of Willow for the Two Year Anniversary photograph album he's compiling (at Buffy's insistence) for his belovedwife spouse/civil partner, Spike, Angel has been strong-armed persuaded by Buffy to approach Xander next. As you can imagine, Angel is ecstatic about this. Not.
Xander (clicking the sound off on the TV): You want what? I don't think I heard you right, Deadboy (because this being the sort of post it is, fannish cliches are going to get everywhere).
Angel (grumpy): That's Deadman to you, Whelp (see, I told you?). And you heard me right. I want a photograph - of you - as part of Spike's present.
Xander: (Collapses in fits of giggles).
Angel (more irritated by the moment): What's so funny?
Xander (wipes away tears of laughter): The idea that Spike would ever want a picture of me! :Frowns suddenly: Does he want it for darts practice or something?
Angel (brightens): Good thinking. (Then he remembers that Buffy is lurking just outside the door listening in, in case there's trouble). No, why would he? It's just for old time's sake, okay? After all, you and he did used to be flatmates. You have a - erm, a connection.
Xander (looking ever so slightly uncomfortable): I guess when you put it that way...
A little later, they're looking through photographs, being very, very careful not to touch each other accidentally.
Angel: (picking up the bottom small photo of Xander with Buffy, Willow and Cordy, looking all season 1/2-ish and sweet and innocent) How about this one?
Xander (snatches it off him): Nah, Spike wouldn't like that one. What he wants is this one. (Shows Angel the top small picture, of season 3/4-ish Xander sort of posing against a pale blue backdrop.
Angel: Er - no I don't think he does :thinks, you look like a rent boy:
Xander: (smirking a little) Really, 'cuz I thought you said Spike'd want to remember stuff for old times's sake.
Angel: (blinks) What are you talking about?
Xander (becomes aware in his turn of Buffy just outside the door): Um - nothing. How about this one? (He shows Angel the middle small picture of Xander from (I think) season 3 when he looked absolutely at his best, posing against a weird church-window-y background).
Angel: (suspicious) I can't help noticing how these are all very old pictures. How about something more recent?
Xander (stuffing the empty doughnut box down the back of the couch, along with all the most recent photos): Don't have any.
They go through more pictures, with Angel wondering why Xander keeps picking out all the ones where he looks - well, kind of sultry for a guy. In the end, Angel picks the big calendar picture, which is sort of a compromise. Xander looks a little older and therefore slightly (only slightly) less biteable and what's more he's wearing an awful sweater that Angel knows Spike will make fun of for hours.
Xander: (both relieved and oddly disapointed) We done here?
Angel: Yes :thinks - this has been a really weird afternoon:
A-and that's probably the closest I'll ever get to writing Spander. Tune in again next month to see if Angel fares any better with his next - well, I can't actually say 'victim' because poor old Angel is sort of the victim this month, albeit an oblivious one - candidate, then.
Last month, this happened. Now read on.
Having found a very nice picture of Willow for the Two Year Anniversary photograph album he's compiling (at Buffy's insistence) for his beloved
Xander (clicking the sound off on the TV): You want what? I don't think I heard you right, Deadboy (because this being the sort of post it is, fannish cliches are going to get everywhere).
Angel (grumpy): That's Deadman to you, Whelp (see, I told you?). And you heard me right. I want a photograph - of you - as part of Spike's present.
Xander: (Collapses in fits of giggles).
Angel (more irritated by the moment): What's so funny?
Xander (wipes away tears of laughter): The idea that Spike would ever want a picture of me! :Frowns suddenly: Does he want it for darts practice or something?
Angel (brightens): Good thinking. (Then he remembers that Buffy is lurking just outside the door listening in, in case there's trouble). No, why would he? It's just for old time's sake, okay? After all, you and he did used to be flatmates. You have a - erm, a connection.
Xander (looking ever so slightly uncomfortable): I guess when you put it that way...
A little later, they're looking through photographs, being very, very careful not to touch each other accidentally.
Angel: (picking up the bottom small photo of Xander with Buffy, Willow and Cordy, looking all season 1/2-ish and sweet and innocent) How about this one?
Xander (snatches it off him): Nah, Spike wouldn't like that one. What he wants is this one. (Shows Angel the top small picture, of season 3/4-ish Xander sort of posing against a pale blue backdrop.
Angel: Er - no I don't think he does :thinks, you look like a rent boy:
Xander: (smirking a little) Really, 'cuz I thought you said Spike'd want to remember stuff for old times's sake.
Angel: (blinks) What are you talking about?
Xander (becomes aware in his turn of Buffy just outside the door): Um - nothing. How about this one? (He shows Angel the middle small picture of Xander from (I think) season 3 when he looked absolutely at his best, posing against a weird church-window-y background).
Angel: (suspicious) I can't help noticing how these are all very old pictures. How about something more recent?
Xander (stuffing the empty doughnut box down the back of the couch, along with all the most recent photos): Don't have any.
They go through more pictures, with Angel wondering why Xander keeps picking out all the ones where he looks - well, kind of sultry for a guy. In the end, Angel picks the big calendar picture, which is sort of a compromise. Xander looks a little older and therefore slightly (only slightly) less biteable and what's more he's wearing an awful sweater that Angel knows Spike will make fun of for hours.
Xander: (both relieved and oddly disapointed) We done here?
Angel: Yes :thinks - this has been a really weird afternoon:
A-and that's probably the closest I'll ever get to writing Spander. Tune in again next month to see if Angel fares any better with his next - well, I can't actually say 'victim' because poor old Angel is sort of the victim this month, albeit an oblivious one - candidate, then.