The Last Ever Calendar Post

[shapinglight]

Thought I'd better do this before the month gets away from me.

Here is the last ever Calendar Post, brought to you courtesy of the last ever BtVS calendar I'll be buying (unless next year's miraculously improves) Last month, this happened. Now read on.



Thoroughly exhausted after the previous eleven months of trying to compile a Two Year Wedding Anniversary photograph album for Spike (to keep their marriage fresh and prevent Spike dragging him off to loud clubs), Angel trudges his weary way home.

He opens the front door of Dun Vampin' (the marital home), to find everything mysteriously dark.

Angel (fumbling for the light switch): Spike, I'm home. Where are you?
(Total and utter silence).
Angel: That's weird.
(He finds the switch and flips it on. Then he gives a horrible, unmanly shriek).
All (that is, the entire cast of BtVS season 5, including Riley, which is the big picture on the calendar): Surpri-ise!
Angel (sure his heart has started beating again from fright): You scared me!
(Everyone laughs. Then Spike pushes his way to the front and gives Angel a great big kiss. It's very romantic and everyone else says, "Aww!" Even Giles and Xander, though they look shify about it. Riley, of course, being a lesbian, is totally not bothered).
Spike: Happy Second Anniversary, you daft old git.
Angel (unsure whether or not this is a compliment): Er-
Buffy (pushing Spike aside): That was soo funny! You should have seen your face.
Willow (joining her): Your aura's still all cranky. I can still make that camomile tea for you.
Tara (chiming in): And I could help, even though I'm dead.
Anya (also chiming in): And I could sell the camomile to them and then count the money afterwards, even though I'm dead too.
Dawn (stompy): You're all ignoring me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Stop it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(There is then a short, bewildering stretch of time during which they try to calm Dawn down by assuring her that she will never, ever, ever have to be a giant again, or a centaur, or whatever horrible third thing God Joss will turn her into in the comics, and then the party gets started, and Angel and Spike have the first dance).
Angel: Oh darling, I've missed you! :gets all weepy: You don't know what these last twelve months have been like.
Spike: Don't be such a twat, and stop treading on my toes. You're heavy. :scowls: Have you been eating chocolate again?
Angel (guilty): No!
(He feels much better, though, because no one insults him the way Spike does, until Buffy butts in between them and thrusts three small photos into his hand)
Angel: What're these?
Buffy: We thought you'd like them for the album. There's one of me and the gang, including Oz, from season 3, and one of you and me being all season 2 and Twilight-y, except that Xander's stuck in the picture, for some reason. Spike took that one, remember?
Angel (thinks): That must be why Xander's staring so fixedly at the camera. :clutches Spike tighter:
Buffy: And that last one's just some silly fun. Me and Willow and Cordy look real pretty, don't you think? Especially me.
Spike (snatching the picture off Angel): Cor! (because remember, this is the sort of story where the characters keep spouting fanon cliches). You all look smashing. Looks like you forgot your skirts, though.
Buffy :bifs him on the nose: That's enough out of you, mister.
Spike :smirks: Yeah? Bring it on - (voice drops sexily) Slayer.
Angel :rolls eyes: We can do this later.
Buffy and Spike in chorus (hopefully): We can?
Angel: Yes. In the meantime, though, here's your present, Spike. Happy Anniversary, darling.
(He hands Spike the photograph album and everyone stops what they're doing to watch as Spike flips through it).
Spike: Yeah, great. :puts the photo album down: I know! Let's go to a loud club!
All: Yay!
Angel (aghast): Oh no!
Spike: Come on! Last one out the door is vampire kibble!
(There's a stampede out the door, while Angel watches miserably. Then the door slams and he realises that Spike has shut it behind everyone and is still standing there)
Spike (smirks, tilts his head and waggles his eyebrow): Alone at last! :turns and sprints for the bedroom door: Last one to the bedroom has to make the cocoa afterwards.
Angel: Hoorah! :chases him:

And here we fade tastefully to black, and in case you're worried about the others, they had a great time clubbing and didn't even realise Spike and Angel weren't with them.

THE END

Thanks for reading.

Comments

[candleanfeather.livejournal.com]

"Angel: Yes. In the meantime, though, here's your present, Spike. Happy Anniversary, darling.
(He hands Spike the photograph album and everyone stops what they're doing to watch as Spike flips through it).
Spike: Yeah, great. :puts the photo album down: I know! Let's go to a loud club!
All: Yay!
Angel (aghast): Oh no!"

Poor, poor Angel, so much efforts and dangers for that! :-D But of course, Spike knows more than one trick.

I feel sad, knowing it'll be the last calendar post: they always were moments of delightful fantasy funnily punctuating the beginning of each month. But I understand your reason, they really made a "tasteless" (speak of understatement here) choice of photography in their 2009 one.

[http://users.livejournal.com/woman_of_/]

Loved the end of the story, sorry it is the last one! Then I agree, wouldn't give them the money either!

[trepkos.livejournal.com]

AW!

[deird1]

Riley, of course, being a lesbian, is totally not bothered.

Hee!

[sueworld2003.livejournal.com]

Aww, soooo cute! Wonderful post love. :)

[mistletoe54.livejournal.com]

I will miss these jolly little moments of fun; though not the calendar. I've sat through the DB of 2008 calendar with some pictures so old he is barely recognisable. This month's is Angel circa Season 2 - all hair gel and broody face.

[kassto.livejournal.com]

Yes, end of an era is always sad.
End of an era for me too. My love of the England cricket team has faded too — my favourite players are all being dropped. Thanks so much for your help over the past few years in having the calendars to admire. You have been very generous!

I'll still follow them, but without the heart-stopping pain of love.

[shapinglight]

Poor, poor Angel, so much efforts and dangers for that!

I know, but it all worked out in the end.

Thanks very much for reading all this silliness. I'm sad to stop too, but there it is.

[shapinglight]

Then I agree, wouldn't give them the money either!

Nah, though sadly there are probably plenty who have and will.

Thanks for reading.

[shapinglight]

Yes, isn't it sweet? I do love a happy ending.

[shapinglight]

And he doesn't care who knows it.

[shapinglight]

Thank you, Sue. I do love a happy ending, don't you?

[shapinglight]

Thank you, and no shan't really miss the calendar at all.

Pity about the DB one. He looks just fine now. Why go for such old pictures?

[shapinglight]

Yes, end of an era is always sad.

Well, it's only the end of an era for me in that I won't be writing these posts any more. I still love Spike just as much.

Sorry the England cricket team aren't what they were, but I suppose a sportsman's life at the top is often very short.

[mistletoe54.livejournal.com]

It's unofficial so probably using cheap shots public domain photos.

[shapinglight]

Yeah, probably. Oh well, at least you get a DB calendar. We've never had a JM one.

[diachrony.livejournal.com]

Oooh, love this. Love.

::happy sigh::

It's a great ending to the Calendar Post series, though I do hope you find a sequel worthy of reviving later. Silly calendar makers ...

[shapinglight]

Silly calendar makers ...

Yeah, they've brought an end to a grand old tradition or a small, trival one anyway.

Glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for sticking with these posts to the bitter end.

[mere-ubu.livejournal.com]

Riley, of course, being a lesbian, is totally not bothered.

Bwahahaa! Okay, I started guffawing here and didn't stop until the end. So much funny. I'm relieved that Spike stayed behind to soothe Angel's cranky aura--the poor manpire has suffered more humiliations than a mopey person should have to endure.

If it has to end, well, what a way to go! Thank you so much for these. They've truly been a delight.

I've consoled myself for the Great Calendar Failure of Ought-Nine by purchasing and old Spike calendar off of eBay and pretending that it's this year's. *shakes fist at lame calendar publisher* That'll show 'em!

[shapinglight]

I'm relieved that Spike stayed behind to soothe Angel's cranky aura--the poor manpire has suffered more humiliations than a mopey person should have to endure.

Well, that's the thing about Spike. He's a giver.

Thanks for reading. I'm glad you enjoyed these posts - and yeah, stupid calendar people! I've got myself a BSG calendar for next year instead.