The Calendar Post

[shapinglight]

Thought I'd better do this before the month gets away from me again. Last month this happened. Now read on.

Or not. I'm totally okay with not, though of course Dead Anya may not be - and yes, that is a threat.



Having survived one nasty experience with a dead person, Angel is feeling a bit more relaxed about the next one. I mean, it's Tara - sweet, innocent-looking Tara. What could possibly go wrong this time?

Angel (clears throat): Ahem!
Tara (who is gazing into the distance, looking all sweet and harmless): I'm sorry, Joss. I'm afraid I can't agree to come back for less than a ten figure sum and a huge compensation package.
Angel (is scandalised that she mentioned Joss by name, but is trying to hide it): It's not -him. It's me - Angel.
Tara: Who?
Angel (blinks): You know - Angel - the - um, the Dark Avenger? I help the hopeless?
Tara: Ooh, Spike's friend!
Angel (grits teeth - reminds self he never actually met Tara): That's right.
Tara: What do you want - and hurry up about it. I'm expecting to be called into an urgent meeting with Joss at any moment.
Angel: Oh. Right. :he explains what he wants, re: the photographs for his and Spike's 2nd Anniversary wedding album, yadda, yadda:
Tara (an edge in her voice): That's nice for you. Of course, Willow and me never did get to our 2nd Anniversary on account of me being killed off by Joss.
Angel (cringes, expecting lightning to strike her dead(er) any second): That's too bad.
Tara: And as if that weren't bad enough, he replaces me with some mouthy brunette - and then he has the cheek to say she's more sure of her sexuality than I am!
Angel: Er - yes. Shocking. :wipes sweat from forehead and wishes he could have asked Riley to do this for him since Riley -as is well known to everyone - is a lesbian and not afraid to admit it:
:They begin to go through the photographs:
Tara (holding up the bottom small picture, which is of her circa season 4, looking rather cross): How about this one?
Angel: Er - you look kind of angry.
Tara: I am angry. :frowns: Is Joss going to see this album?
Angel (horrified at the very thought): Of course not. When he's around, Spike and I have to pretend we hate each other. It's easier on him that way. :sighs: Not even Andrew dares come out around him, so I don't think he could cope with two big, manly men like Spike and me being an item.
Tara (stifling giggles with difficulty): You could try turning yourself into teeny little skinny women with big eyes. Bet he'd be cool with it then.
Angel (ponders. That could work): We'll think about it.
Tara: But if he's not going to see the album, there's no point you having a photo of me looking angry, cuz he won't get the message about how wrong he was to kill me off. How about this one? :holds up the middle picture of herself and Willow, both looking rather sad (is it from The Body? and dressed appallingly:
Angel: It's cute, but tie-dye gives me a headache.
Tara: Okay - how about this one? :shows him the top small picture, of herself looking all coolly mysterious and glamourous.
Angel: Getting better.
:In the end, they choose the big picture, which is of Tara from the same photo-shoot, with the most angelic expression ever:
Tara: Take this one. If Joss does see it, it's bound to make him feel guilty.
Angel (brightly): Plus, I know when it was taken you weren't thinking about Spike, because - well, you know.
Tara: Because I'm a lesbian, you mean? Okay, it's true I don't think about Spike much, except when he changes his name to Simon. He has this cute green shirt, you know - oh, and we pretend he smells, which is too funny - and boy, is he a good kisser and he looks great in a dress too. :blinks: What's the matter?
Angel: I need to go and lie down.

Poor Angel! There's no getting away from it, is there? Tune in next month for when he gets to see yet more dead people.