Courtroom Drama
May. 1st, 2009 11:16 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shapinglightI'm off to the Smoke in a couple of hours to do fannish stuff, but before I go, it being the 1st of May today, I've turned over the page in my wonderful ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sueworld2003 fanart calendar (best Xmas pressy ever!).
Spring has very definitely sprung around here. In fact, if we aren't careful, it'll soon be summer. This being so, this month's calendar pic heralds the return of a very controversial figure, that evil little menace to society, Fairy Spike! Twice as evil as the normal sized (though still rather short) version, and with twice the power to set fan on fan and cause kerfuffles of epic proportion.
This is the third in a series. The previous ones are Rising Sap and The Great Escape and you need to have read those before you read this one. They're all very short.
Setting: The Garden, late Spring
Pairing: Fairy Vampire Spike/Fairy Vampire Angel, Fairy Vampire Spike/Fairy VampireHarmony Colin UST.
Rating: PG-13, or possibly R if you're extremely sensitive about cuss words.
Fairy Vampire Spike gets his just desserts - or does he?
Author's note: for the reason why all Fairy Spike's minions are called Colin, rewatch BtVS season 1.
Illustration: May, fromsueworld2003's calendar.
Courtroom Drama
Fairy Spike leaned his forehead against the smooth glass of the killing jar.
He was in deep shit, and no mistake. That’d teach him to go pissing off the local hedgehog gang. Trouble was, he didn’t like anything bigger and meaner than himself in the Garden.
The evening had started out all right. He’d led a daring raid on Next Door’s Garden, whose fairy vampire crime lord was getting too big for his boots and daring to let his minions stray under the hedge into Spike’s territory.
The wanker wouldn’t be making that mistake again. His screams as Spike had introduced him to the friendly neighbourhood wolf spider behind the abandoned flowerpots had been music to Spike’s pointed little ears.
On the way back, though, they’d run into a spot of trouble close to the garden wall, where the tall, dry stalks of last year’s wallflowers still speared upwards into the air (They had been a bit lax in clearing up the garden for spring this year). In fact, they’d run into a whole mountain of trouble in the shape of the hedgehog gang, all prickled up and ready for a fight.
“Out of the way, Tiggywinkle!” Spike had drawn his thistle sword.
Of course, the ‘Tiggywinkle’ comment hadn’t gone down well, and a moment later battle was joined, with Spike and his minions, the Colins, zipping in and out of the cover of the wallflower stems to hit the hedgehogs where it hurt. Things had been going well. Even female Colin – who still sometimes forgot her name wasn’t Harmony – had managed to do her bit without chipping her manicure.
But then, the evening had taken a definite turn for the worse with the sudden arrival of a whole flock of sparrow special constables. Half the Colins had ended up as nestling tidbits and the other half had scattered in terror, and when Spike had tried to beat a strategic retreat, a sparrow had caught him fast by the tails of his black leather duster, and deposited him straight into custody.
That was so bloody typical of hedgehogs, Spike reflected bitterly –doing deals with the Fairy police to get themselves air support. Hadn’t they heard of honour among thieves?
Obviously not, because now he was up before the Beak for crimes against hedgehog-kind, and for being a general all-round nuisance.
“The Prosecution rests m’lud.” The prosecuting lawyer, a tall dark-skinned fairy, with tasteful silver and black wings, wearing a very smart gossamer suit, addressed the Bench-an old teapot with a broken spout- where the Beak sat, thistledown wig balanced askew on his round head and red, feather breast puffed out pompously.
The Beak fixed his beady black eyes on Spike, like he was a particularly juicy worm he was thinking of eating.
“That’s quite a case you’ve made there, Mr Gunn. Let’s see how the Defence responds.”
Spike gave him the old two-fingers and the Beak looked outraged.
“Clerk of the Court,” the Beak fumed. “Have it noted in the records that the prisoner remained stubborn and insolent to the last.” Like all robins, he had a bad temper and no sense of humour.
“Yes, m’lud.” The Beak’s fairy minion in the well of the court scratched busily in its dead leaf notebook.
Spike pushed himself away from the side of the jar. ‘To the last’? He didn’t like the sound of that – far too much like a foregone conclusion for his taste.
He stared meaningfully at his lawyer, Ms Lilah Morgan Le Fay, of the respected firm of Wolf, Ram & Cute Furry Thing With Big Floppy Ears, but she didn’t even acknowledge him.
Spike began to smell a rat – and not just because the three burly court ushers were actual rats.
Ms Morgan Le Fay rose into the air on her shimmering lilac wings and hovered.
“The Defence also rests, m’lud. There really isn’t a single thing we can say in defence of this reprobate.”
“Sod that!” Spike exclaimed. He smacked his hand hard against the jar – which hurt and did nothing to the glass – but Ms Morgan Le Fay only smirked at him.
Spike vamped out and showed her his fangs. Bitch! Then he turned on the Beak. “It’s a fix, your Honour. I’m being set up, can’t you see?”
But the Beak had already set a scrap of black cloth precariously on top of his wig.
“Oh, so it’s your Honour now, is it?” he said, nastily. Then his horrid birdy voice dropped an octave. “Vampire Fairy Spike, also known as Bloody Annoying William, I sentence you to death in the killing jar for being rude to hedgehogs and to me, and generally being irritating. Oh, and for running an empire of crime, but that’s the least of your many offences.”
In the public benches, female Colin, who has escaped the general massacre, burst into heartfelt sobs, while Spike yelled and shouted and protested his innocence – well, apart from the empire of crime part, because it had taken him years to build that from the ground up and he was bloody proud of it.
The Beak picked up his gavel in his beak and banged it down on the Bench. “Silence in court. Officers, carry out the sentence.”
Spike glared his defiance as the rat ushers advanced on his glass prison. As two of them began to tip the jar on one side to unscrew the lid, the third grasped the unlit safety match between its teeth and prepared to strike it. Spike braced himself. He wouldn’t go down without a fight, and once that lid was off there would be hell to pay - literally.
Ms Morgan Le Fay, meanwhile, maintained her infuriating calm smile, as if she couldn't wait to see him go up in flames. But just as the jar rolled on its side and the lid came off with a pop, she waved her arms and began to chant. Suddenly the air was full of golden fairy dust, which set everyone sneezing. The Beak burst into a loud trill of angry song, interspersed with coughs and cries of, "Stop him! He's getting away!" and Female Colin screamed, "Spikey – I love you-uu!"
Then the courtroom disappeared, and Spike found himself alone with Ms Morgan Le Fay at the very end of the Garden, where the grass was already long and the thick, juicy stems of bluebells in flower hid them from prying eyes.
“What is this?” Spike got up into Ms Morgan Le Fay’s face. “What’s going on? I pay you good money. Why didn’t you defend me?”
She only smiled inscrutably. “Because you’re indefensible? Besides, the Wolf, the Ram and the Cute Furry Thing With Big Floppy Ears don’t take rejection well. They offered you a deal and you turned it down.”
“You set me up!” Spike growled. "Right from the start. Bet the hedgehogs were working for you all along."
Her smile intensified. “The prosecuting lawyer certainly was. Mr Gunn is a rising star at our firm. As to what's going on, we needed a bargaining chip to obtain something we wanted, and now we have it.” Leaning forward, she whispered in his ear, “Thanks to you.”
“What do you –“ Spike began, but then a voice spoke behind him, out of the darkness amongst the bluebell stems.
“Hello, William. Long time, no see.”
A chill went down Spike’s spine. He knew that voice. Slowly, very slowly, he turned around.
Fairy Vampire Angel, his erstwhile fairy policeman nemesis, was lounging with his back against one of the bluebells. He was wearing leather trousers that were a little too tight and had an insufferable smirk on his face.
Spike’s heart plummeted to his boots and back up again. “Angelus?”
Fairy Vampire Angelus began to glide forward, while his smirk grew even broader. “The one and only.”
Spike spoke sidelong to Ms Morgan Le Fay. “What did you do?”
She was beginning to fade away, from the feet upwards. “We made a bargain with him. He gets you and your empire of crime in exchange for his soul – and he signs a contract with the Wolf, the Ram and the Cute Furry Thing With Big Floppy Ears. We own him, we own you, and we own your empire of crime.” Only her smile was left now. “He must want you bad, baby.”
It certainly looked that way, Spike thought, as Angelus grabbed him under the armpits and flew them both deeper into the shade.
He was in big trouble now, it seemed, but as Angelus threw him down so hard he bounced, and then flopped on top of him, crushing him, wings and all, into the damp grass, Spike reflected it could be worse.
Play his cards right and he’d soon have his old sire eating out of his hand again, soul or no soul, or his name wasn't Fairy Spike.
Grinning, he reached up, grabbed Angelus round the neck and pulled him down for a long, fangy kiss.
“Daddy! Welcome home!”
sueworld2003 fanart calendar (best Xmas pressy ever!). Spring has very definitely sprung around here. In fact, if we aren't careful, it'll soon be summer. This being so, this month's calendar pic heralds the return of a very controversial figure, that evil little menace to society, Fairy Spike! Twice as evil as the normal sized (though still rather short) version, and with twice the power to set fan on fan and cause kerfuffles of epic proportion.
This is the third in a series. The previous ones are Rising Sap and The Great Escape and you need to have read those before you read this one. They're all very short.
Setting: The Garden, late Spring
Pairing: Fairy Vampire Spike/Fairy Vampire Angel, Fairy Vampire Spike/Fairy Vampire
Rating: PG-13, or possibly R if you're extremely sensitive about cuss words.
Fairy Vampire Spike gets his just desserts - or does he?
Author's note: for the reason why all Fairy Spike's minions are called Colin, rewatch BtVS season 1.
Illustration: May, from
sueworld2003's calendar.Courtroom Drama
Fairy Spike leaned his forehead against the smooth glass of the killing jar.
He was in deep shit, and no mistake. That’d teach him to go pissing off the local hedgehog gang. Trouble was, he didn’t like anything bigger and meaner than himself in the Garden.
The evening had started out all right. He’d led a daring raid on Next Door’s Garden, whose fairy vampire crime lord was getting too big for his boots and daring to let his minions stray under the hedge into Spike’s territory.
The wanker wouldn’t be making that mistake again. His screams as Spike had introduced him to the friendly neighbourhood wolf spider behind the abandoned flowerpots had been music to Spike’s pointed little ears.
On the way back, though, they’d run into a spot of trouble close to the garden wall, where the tall, dry stalks of last year’s wallflowers still speared upwards into the air (They had been a bit lax in clearing up the garden for spring this year). In fact, they’d run into a whole mountain of trouble in the shape of the hedgehog gang, all prickled up and ready for a fight.
“Out of the way, Tiggywinkle!” Spike had drawn his thistle sword.
Of course, the ‘Tiggywinkle’ comment hadn’t gone down well, and a moment later battle was joined, with Spike and his minions, the Colins, zipping in and out of the cover of the wallflower stems to hit the hedgehogs where it hurt. Things had been going well. Even female Colin – who still sometimes forgot her name wasn’t Harmony – had managed to do her bit without chipping her manicure.
But then, the evening had taken a definite turn for the worse with the sudden arrival of a whole flock of sparrow special constables. Half the Colins had ended up as nestling tidbits and the other half had scattered in terror, and when Spike had tried to beat a strategic retreat, a sparrow had caught him fast by the tails of his black leather duster, and deposited him straight into custody.
That was so bloody typical of hedgehogs, Spike reflected bitterly –doing deals with the Fairy police to get themselves air support. Hadn’t they heard of honour among thieves?
Obviously not, because now he was up before the Beak for crimes against hedgehog-kind, and for being a general all-round nuisance.
“The Prosecution rests m’lud.” The prosecuting lawyer, a tall dark-skinned fairy, with tasteful silver and black wings, wearing a very smart gossamer suit, addressed the Bench-an old teapot with a broken spout- where the Beak sat, thistledown wig balanced askew on his round head and red, feather breast puffed out pompously.
The Beak fixed his beady black eyes on Spike, like he was a particularly juicy worm he was thinking of eating.
“That’s quite a case you’ve made there, Mr Gunn. Let’s see how the Defence responds.”
Spike gave him the old two-fingers and the Beak looked outraged.
“Clerk of the Court,” the Beak fumed. “Have it noted in the records that the prisoner remained stubborn and insolent to the last.” Like all robins, he had a bad temper and no sense of humour.
“Yes, m’lud.” The Beak’s fairy minion in the well of the court scratched busily in its dead leaf notebook.
Spike pushed himself away from the side of the jar. ‘To the last’? He didn’t like the sound of that – far too much like a foregone conclusion for his taste.
He stared meaningfully at his lawyer, Ms Lilah Morgan Le Fay, of the respected firm of Wolf, Ram & Cute Furry Thing With Big Floppy Ears, but she didn’t even acknowledge him.
Spike began to smell a rat – and not just because the three burly court ushers were actual rats.
Ms Morgan Le Fay rose into the air on her shimmering lilac wings and hovered.
“The Defence also rests, m’lud. There really isn’t a single thing we can say in defence of this reprobate.”
“Sod that!” Spike exclaimed. He smacked his hand hard against the jar – which hurt and did nothing to the glass – but Ms Morgan Le Fay only smirked at him.
Spike vamped out and showed her his fangs. Bitch! Then he turned on the Beak. “It’s a fix, your Honour. I’m being set up, can’t you see?”
But the Beak had already set a scrap of black cloth precariously on top of his wig.
“Oh, so it’s your Honour now, is it?” he said, nastily. Then his horrid birdy voice dropped an octave. “Vampire Fairy Spike, also known as Bloody Annoying William, I sentence you to death in the killing jar for being rude to hedgehogs and to me, and generally being irritating. Oh, and for running an empire of crime, but that’s the least of your many offences.”
In the public benches, female Colin, who has escaped the general massacre, burst into heartfelt sobs, while Spike yelled and shouted and protested his innocence – well, apart from the empire of crime part, because it had taken him years to build that from the ground up and he was bloody proud of it.
The Beak picked up his gavel in his beak and banged it down on the Bench. “Silence in court. Officers, carry out the sentence.”
Spike glared his defiance as the rat ushers advanced on his glass prison. As two of them began to tip the jar on one side to unscrew the lid, the third grasped the unlit safety match between its teeth and prepared to strike it. Spike braced himself. He wouldn’t go down without a fight, and once that lid was off there would be hell to pay - literally.
Ms Morgan Le Fay, meanwhile, maintained her infuriating calm smile, as if she couldn't wait to see him go up in flames. But just as the jar rolled on its side and the lid came off with a pop, she waved her arms and began to chant. Suddenly the air was full of golden fairy dust, which set everyone sneezing. The Beak burst into a loud trill of angry song, interspersed with coughs and cries of, "Stop him! He's getting away!" and Female Colin screamed, "Spikey – I love you-uu!"
Then the courtroom disappeared, and Spike found himself alone with Ms Morgan Le Fay at the very end of the Garden, where the grass was already long and the thick, juicy stems of bluebells in flower hid them from prying eyes.
“What is this?” Spike got up into Ms Morgan Le Fay’s face. “What’s going on? I pay you good money. Why didn’t you defend me?”
She only smiled inscrutably. “Because you’re indefensible? Besides, the Wolf, the Ram and the Cute Furry Thing With Big Floppy Ears don’t take rejection well. They offered you a deal and you turned it down.”
“You set me up!” Spike growled. "Right from the start. Bet the hedgehogs were working for you all along."
Her smile intensified. “The prosecuting lawyer certainly was. Mr Gunn is a rising star at our firm. As to what's going on, we needed a bargaining chip to obtain something we wanted, and now we have it.” Leaning forward, she whispered in his ear, “Thanks to you.”
“What do you –“ Spike began, but then a voice spoke behind him, out of the darkness amongst the bluebell stems.
“Hello, William. Long time, no see.”
A chill went down Spike’s spine. He knew that voice. Slowly, very slowly, he turned around.
Fairy Vampire Angel, his erstwhile fairy policeman nemesis, was lounging with his back against one of the bluebells. He was wearing leather trousers that were a little too tight and had an insufferable smirk on his face.
Spike’s heart plummeted to his boots and back up again. “Angelus?”
Fairy Vampire Angelus began to glide forward, while his smirk grew even broader. “The one and only.”
Spike spoke sidelong to Ms Morgan Le Fay. “What did you do?”
She was beginning to fade away, from the feet upwards. “We made a bargain with him. He gets you and your empire of crime in exchange for his soul – and he signs a contract with the Wolf, the Ram and the Cute Furry Thing With Big Floppy Ears. We own him, we own you, and we own your empire of crime.” Only her smile was left now. “He must want you bad, baby.”
It certainly looked that way, Spike thought, as Angelus grabbed him under the armpits and flew them both deeper into the shade.
He was in big trouble now, it seemed, but as Angelus threw him down so hard he bounced, and then flopped on top of him, crushing him, wings and all, into the damp grass, Spike reflected it could be worse.
Play his cards right and he’d soon have his old sire eating out of his hand again, soul or no soul, or his name wasn't Fairy Spike.
Grinning, he reached up, grabbed Angelus round the neck and pulled him down for a long, fangy kiss.
“Daddy! Welcome home!”