The Calendar Post
Sep. 5th, 2008 05:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shapinglightHaving barely escaped drowning on the way home from work (or at least, it felt like it, what with the roads resembling raging torrents and the rain coming down so hard it broke my brolly), I thought I should do the calendar post. Last month, this happened.
Now read on - or not. Not is, I grant you, probably more likely.
Poor old Angel! During the course of the year so far, he's discovered that in his BtVS Calendar 2008-inspired quest to gather a selection of nice pics of everyone for his and Spike's 2nd Anniversary Wedding Album (the 2nd Anniversary being, as previously established, a bit of a defining moment for vampire couples), he can't even rely on dear, sweet (dead) Tara not to trample all over his emotional (former) certainties. Therefore, it's with enormous relief that he approaches the subject of this month's calendar page, even though she's dead too, and dead people seem to be a tad on the fickle side, not to mention majorly pee'd off withGod Joss.
However, this time it's Cordy month on the BtVS calendar and Cordy loved him, didn't she, and would never, ever hurt him.
Angel: Er - hi.
Cordy (who is filing her nails): Oh, it's you. Hello.
Angel (overwhelmed with emotion suddenly, not to mention relief at realising he at last has the chance to make Spike jealous of him rather than vice versa, as has been the depressing tale so far): Oh, Cordy! I've missed you so much! :he rushes forward:
Cordy (glaring and fending him off with her nail file): Excuse me, Mr Dentally Challenged. I think you have me confused with someone else.
Angel (faltering): I do?
Cordy (haughty): Yes. You think I'm soft-focus Earth Momma Cordy from AtS, don't you, whereas in fact I'm hard-edged Uber-Bitch Cordy from BtVS.
Angel (bewildered): But aren't they the same person?
Cordy (rolls eyes): Of course they're not. Soft Focus Earth Momma Cordy is in love with you and has inappropriate sex with teenage boys. Hard-edged Uber Bitch Cordy wouldn't be seen dead in Soft Focus Earth Momma Cordy's clothes, let alone her love life, and is so over the teenage boy thing -even though she came first, which is confusing, but whatever.
Angel (more bewildered): So did you ever love me or not? For that matter, did I ever love you?
Cordy (ponders): It's tricky. You'd better ask Joss. He's the one who busted his ass fence-sitting and drove all the 'shippers insane.
Angel(scared - these dead people have no fear, do they?): Sssh! He might hear you.
Cordy (shrugging): See if I care. After all, he can hardly make me any deader, can he? There's nothing he can do to me.
Angel: Oh, you'd be surprised. He can also make you not-dead in such stupid ways that people roll their eyes in disgust and wander off. Just ask Warren.
Cordy (yawns): Whatever. Did you actually want something?
:Angel sighs and explains about the photo album:
Cordy: Eww! to you being married to Spike, cuz who wants to be seen hanging around with a guy dressed like that! But I don't mind going through some photos, as long as they're of me.
Angel: Er-okay.
:He shows her the top small calendar picture, which is of BtVS season 2/3 Cordy inexplicably lying on a couch cradling her head in her hands.
Cordy: No way! It's inexplicable that I'd be lying like that. My hair would be totally messy when I sat up. It's lame and Spike will laugh at it.
Angel: How about this one? :he holds up a picture of season 3 Cordy (from The Wish, I think) looking very glamorous, but it could be a better photo:
Cordy: Eww! No, it's overexposed, and totally not in the right way.
:she picks out a picture of her snuggling on a couch with BtVS season 2/3 Xander: This is kind of cute.
Angel (scowling): Why is Xander staring at the camera? Who took this picture?
Cordy: What bug's gotten up your butt, Mr Sensitive? It was Spike, if you must know. He took five from trying to kill us to take the photo for me. Probably the most useful thing he ever did in his life.
Angel : Probably. :scowls again: But why does Xander have to stare at him that way?
Cordy: How should I know? Ask him.
Angel (gloomy): I tried that.
:Cordy gives him a weird look. Then they go back to looking at photographs. In the end, they choose a gorgeous pic of BtVS season 2/3 Cordy looking all exotic and sexy:
Cordy: Spike's bound to like that, because who wouldn't?
Angel (sad suddenly): True.
Cordy (whispering in his ear, using AtS season 3/4/5 Cordy's voice): I didn't choose it for Spike. I chose it for you.
Angel (turns to look at her, but she's gone all Hard-Edged Uber-Bitch Cordy again): Thank you.
Cordy: Yeah, yeah. Is that it? Am I done now? :vanishes:
:Angel bursts into floods of tears, from which he has to be rescued by several boxes of chocolates and a long-distance phone conversation with Spike.
:sniffle: :blows nose:
How sad! I suppose every story - even the silliest - needs its poignant moment. Tune in next month to see if all those chocolates revived Angel enough to continue his task.
:sniffles some more:
Now read on - or not. Not is, I grant you, probably more likely.
Poor old Angel! During the course of the year so far, he's discovered that in his BtVS Calendar 2008-inspired quest to gather a selection of nice pics of everyone for his and Spike's 2nd Anniversary Wedding Album (the 2nd Anniversary being, as previously established, a bit of a defining moment for vampire couples), he can't even rely on dear, sweet (dead) Tara not to trample all over his emotional (former) certainties. Therefore, it's with enormous relief that he approaches the subject of this month's calendar page, even though she's dead too, and dead people seem to be a tad on the fickle side, not to mention majorly pee'd off with
However, this time it's Cordy month on the BtVS calendar and Cordy loved him, didn't she, and would never, ever hurt him.
Angel: Er - hi.
Cordy (who is filing her nails): Oh, it's you. Hello.
Angel (overwhelmed with emotion suddenly, not to mention relief at realising he at last has the chance to make Spike jealous of him rather than vice versa, as has been the depressing tale so far): Oh, Cordy! I've missed you so much! :he rushes forward:
Cordy (glaring and fending him off with her nail file): Excuse me, Mr Dentally Challenged. I think you have me confused with someone else.
Angel (faltering): I do?
Cordy (haughty): Yes. You think I'm soft-focus Earth Momma Cordy from AtS, don't you, whereas in fact I'm hard-edged Uber-Bitch Cordy from BtVS.
Angel (bewildered): But aren't they the same person?
Cordy (rolls eyes): Of course they're not. Soft Focus Earth Momma Cordy is in love with you and has inappropriate sex with teenage boys. Hard-edged Uber Bitch Cordy wouldn't be seen dead in Soft Focus Earth Momma Cordy's clothes, let alone her love life, and is so over the teenage boy thing -even though she came first, which is confusing, but whatever.
Angel (more bewildered): So did you ever love me or not? For that matter, did I ever love you?
Cordy (ponders): It's tricky. You'd better ask Joss. He's the one who busted his ass fence-sitting and drove all the 'shippers insane.
Angel(scared - these dead people have no fear, do they?): Sssh! He might hear you.
Cordy (shrugging): See if I care. After all, he can hardly make me any deader, can he? There's nothing he can do to me.
Angel: Oh, you'd be surprised. He can also make you not-dead in such stupid ways that people roll their eyes in disgust and wander off. Just ask Warren.
Cordy (yawns): Whatever. Did you actually want something?
:Angel sighs and explains about the photo album:
Cordy: Eww! to you being married to Spike, cuz who wants to be seen hanging around with a guy dressed like that! But I don't mind going through some photos, as long as they're of me.
Angel: Er-okay.
:He shows her the top small calendar picture, which is of BtVS season 2/3 Cordy inexplicably lying on a couch cradling her head in her hands.
Cordy: No way! It's inexplicable that I'd be lying like that. My hair would be totally messy when I sat up. It's lame and Spike will laugh at it.
Angel: How about this one? :he holds up a picture of season 3 Cordy (from The Wish, I think) looking very glamorous, but it could be a better photo:
Cordy: Eww! No, it's overexposed, and totally not in the right way.
:she picks out a picture of her snuggling on a couch with BtVS season 2/3 Xander: This is kind of cute.
Angel (scowling): Why is Xander staring at the camera? Who took this picture?
Cordy: What bug's gotten up your butt, Mr Sensitive? It was Spike, if you must know. He took five from trying to kill us to take the photo for me. Probably the most useful thing he ever did in his life.
Angel : Probably. :scowls again: But why does Xander have to stare at him that way?
Cordy: How should I know? Ask him.
Angel (gloomy): I tried that.
:Cordy gives him a weird look. Then they go back to looking at photographs. In the end, they choose a gorgeous pic of BtVS season 2/3 Cordy looking all exotic and sexy:
Cordy: Spike's bound to like that, because who wouldn't?
Angel (sad suddenly): True.
Cordy (whispering in his ear, using AtS season 3/4/5 Cordy's voice): I didn't choose it for Spike. I chose it for you.
Angel (turns to look at her, but she's gone all Hard-Edged Uber-Bitch Cordy again): Thank you.
Cordy: Yeah, yeah. Is that it? Am I done now? :vanishes:
:Angel bursts into floods of tears, from which he has to be rescued by several boxes of chocolates and a long-distance phone conversation with Spike.
:sniffle: :blows nose:
How sad! I suppose every story - even the silliest - needs its poignant moment. Tune in next month to see if all those chocolates revived Angel enough to continue his task.
:sniffles some more: