The Last Ever Calendar Post
Dec. 6th, 2008 07:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shapinglightThought I'd better do this before the month gets away from me.
Here is the last ever Calendar Post, brought to you courtesy of the last ever BtVS calendar I'll be buying (unless next year's miraculously improves) Last month, this happened. Now read on.
Thoroughly exhausted after the previous eleven months of trying to compile a Two Year Wedding Anniversary photograph album for Spike (to keep their marriage fresh and prevent Spike dragging him off to loud clubs), Angel trudges his weary way home.
He opens the front door of Dun Vampin' (the marital home), to find everything mysteriously dark.
Angel (fumbling for the light switch): Spike, I'm home. Where are you?
(Total and utter silence).
Angel: That's weird.
(He finds the switch and flips it on. Then he gives a horrible, unmanly shriek).
All (that is, the entire cast of BtVS season 5, including Riley, which is the big picture on the calendar): Surpri-ise!
Angel (sure his heart has started beating again from fright): You scared me!
(Everyone laughs. Then Spike pushes his way to the front and gives Angel a great big kiss. It's very romantic and everyone else says, "Aww!" Even Giles and Xander, though they look shify about it. Riley, of course, being a lesbian, is totally not bothered).
Spike: Happy Second Anniversary, you daft old git.
Angel (unsure whether or not this is a compliment): Er-
Buffy (pushing Spike aside): That was soo funny! You should have seen your face.
Willow (joining her): Your aura's still all cranky. I can still make that camomile tea for you.
Tara (chiming in): And I could help, even though I'm dead.
Anya (also chiming in): And I could sell the camomile to them and then count the money afterwards, even though I'm dead too.
Dawn (stompy): You're all ignoring me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Stop it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(There is then a short, bewildering stretch of time during which they try to calm Dawn down by assuring her that she will never, ever, ever have to be a giant again, or a centaur, or whatever horrible third thingGod Joss will turn her into in the comics, and then the party gets started, and Angel and Spike have the first dance).
Angel: Oh darling, I've missed you! :gets all weepy: You don't know what these last twelve months have been like.
Spike: Don't be such a twat, and stop treading on my toes. You're heavy. :scowls: Have you been eating chocolate again?
Angel (guilty): No!
(He feels much better, though, because no one insults him the way Spike does, until Buffy butts in between them and thrusts three small photos into his hand)
Angel: What're these?
Buffy: We thought you'd like them for the album. There's one of me and the gang, including Oz, from season 3, and one of you and me being all season 2 and Twilight-y, except that Xander's stuck in the picture, for some reason. Spike took that one, remember?
Angel (thinks): That must be why Xander's staring so fixedly at the camera. :clutches Spike tighter:
Buffy: And that last one's just some silly fun. Me and Willow and Cordy look real pretty, don't you think? Especially me.
Spike (snatching the picture off Angel): Cor! (because remember, this is the sort of story where the characters keep spouting fanon cliches). You all look smashing. Looks like you forgot your skirts, though.
Buffy :bifs him on the nose: That's enough out of you, mister.
Spike :smirks: Yeah? Bring it on - (voice drops sexily) Slayer.
Angel :rolls eyes: We can do this later.
Buffy and Spike in chorus (hopefully): We can?
Angel: Yes. In the meantime, though, here's your present, Spike. Happy Anniversary, darling.
(He hands Spike the photograph album and everyone stops what they're doing to watch as Spike flips through it).
Spike: Yeah, great. :puts the photo album down: I know! Let's go to a loud club!
All: Yay!
Angel (aghast): Oh no!
Spike: Come on! Last one out the door is vampire kibble!
(There's a stampede out the door, while Angel watches miserably. Then the door slams and he realises that Spike has shut it behind everyone and is still standing there)
Spike (smirks, tilts his head and waggles his eyebrow): Alone at last! :turns and sprints for the bedroom door: Last one to the bedroom has to make the cocoa afterwards.
Angel: Hoorah! :chases him:
And here we fade tastefully to black, and in case you're worried about the others, they had a great time clubbing and didn't even realise Spike and Angel weren't with them.
THE END
Thanks for reading.
Here is the last ever Calendar Post, brought to you courtesy of the last ever BtVS calendar I'll be buying (unless next year's miraculously improves) Last month, this happened. Now read on.
Thoroughly exhausted after the previous eleven months of trying to compile a Two Year Wedding Anniversary photograph album for Spike (to keep their marriage fresh and prevent Spike dragging him off to loud clubs), Angel trudges his weary way home.
He opens the front door of Dun Vampin' (the marital home), to find everything mysteriously dark.
Angel (fumbling for the light switch): Spike, I'm home. Where are you?
(Total and utter silence).
Angel: That's weird.
(He finds the switch and flips it on. Then he gives a horrible, unmanly shriek).
All (that is, the entire cast of BtVS season 5, including Riley, which is the big picture on the calendar): Surpri-ise!
Angel (sure his heart has started beating again from fright): You scared me!
(Everyone laughs. Then Spike pushes his way to the front and gives Angel a great big kiss. It's very romantic and everyone else says, "Aww!" Even Giles and Xander, though they look shify about it. Riley, of course, being a lesbian, is totally not bothered).
Spike: Happy Second Anniversary, you daft old git.
Angel (unsure whether or not this is a compliment): Er-
Buffy (pushing Spike aside): That was soo funny! You should have seen your face.
Willow (joining her): Your aura's still all cranky. I can still make that camomile tea for you.
Tara (chiming in): And I could help, even though I'm dead.
Anya (also chiming in): And I could sell the camomile to them and then count the money afterwards, even though I'm dead too.
Dawn (stompy): You're all ignoring me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Stop it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(There is then a short, bewildering stretch of time during which they try to calm Dawn down by assuring her that she will never, ever, ever have to be a giant again, or a centaur, or whatever horrible third thing
Angel: Oh darling, I've missed you! :gets all weepy: You don't know what these last twelve months have been like.
Spike: Don't be such a twat, and stop treading on my toes. You're heavy. :scowls: Have you been eating chocolate again?
Angel (guilty): No!
(He feels much better, though, because no one insults him the way Spike does, until Buffy butts in between them and thrusts three small photos into his hand)
Angel: What're these?
Buffy: We thought you'd like them for the album. There's one of me and the gang, including Oz, from season 3, and one of you and me being all season 2 and Twilight-y, except that Xander's stuck in the picture, for some reason. Spike took that one, remember?
Angel (thinks): That must be why Xander's staring so fixedly at the camera. :clutches Spike tighter:
Buffy: And that last one's just some silly fun. Me and Willow and Cordy look real pretty, don't you think? Especially me.
Spike (snatching the picture off Angel): Cor! (because remember, this is the sort of story where the characters keep spouting fanon cliches). You all look smashing. Looks like you forgot your skirts, though.
Buffy :bifs him on the nose: That's enough out of you, mister.
Spike :smirks: Yeah? Bring it on - (voice drops sexily) Slayer.
Angel :rolls eyes: We can do this later.
Buffy and Spike in chorus (hopefully): We can?
Angel: Yes. In the meantime, though, here's your present, Spike. Happy Anniversary, darling.
(He hands Spike the photograph album and everyone stops what they're doing to watch as Spike flips through it).
Spike: Yeah, great. :puts the photo album down: I know! Let's go to a loud club!
All: Yay!
Angel (aghast): Oh no!
Spike: Come on! Last one out the door is vampire kibble!
(There's a stampede out the door, while Angel watches miserably. Then the door slams and he realises that Spike has shut it behind everyone and is still standing there)
Spike (smirks, tilts his head and waggles his eyebrow): Alone at last! :turns and sprints for the bedroom door: Last one to the bedroom has to make the cocoa afterwards.
Angel: Hoorah! :chases him:
And here we fade tastefully to black, and in case you're worried about the others, they had a great time clubbing and didn't even realise Spike and Angel weren't with them.
THE END
Thanks for reading.