The Calendar Post

[shapinglight]

It being March 3rd, it's time for the calendar post. Hooray, I hear you say, or possibly, aargh, let me out of here.

Last month, this happened. Now read on.



Having found a very nice picture of Willow for the Two Year Anniversary photograph album he's compiling (at Buffy's insistence) for his beloved wife spouse/civil partner, Spike, Angel has been strong-armed persuaded by Buffy to approach Xander next. As you can imagine, Angel is ecstatic about this. Not.

Xander (clicking the sound off on the TV): You want what? I don't think I heard you right, Deadboy (because this being the sort of post it is, fannish cliches are going to get everywhere).
Angel (grumpy): That's Deadman to you, Whelp (see, I told you?). And you heard me right. I want a photograph - of you - as part of Spike's present.
Xander: (Collapses in fits of giggles).
Angel (more irritated by the moment): What's so funny?
Xander (wipes away tears of laughter): The idea that Spike would ever want a picture of me! :Frowns suddenly: Does he want it for darts practice or something?
Angel (brightens): Good thinking. (Then he remembers that Buffy is lurking just outside the door listening in, in case there's trouble). No, why would he? It's just for old time's sake, okay? After all, you and he did used to be flatmates. You have a - erm, a connection.
Xander (looking ever so slightly uncomfortable): I guess when you put it that way...

A little later, they're looking through photographs, being very, very careful not to touch each other accidentally.

Angel: (picking up the bottom small photo of Xander with Buffy, Willow and Cordy, looking all season 1/2-ish and sweet and innocent) How about this one?
Xander (snatches it off him): Nah, Spike wouldn't like that one. What he wants is this one. (Shows Angel the top small picture, of season 3/4-ish Xander sort of posing against a pale blue backdrop.
Angel: Er - no I don't think he does :thinks, you look like a rent boy:
Xander: (smirking a little) Really, 'cuz I thought you said Spike'd want to remember stuff for old times's sake.
Angel: (blinks) What are you talking about?
Xander (becomes aware in his turn of Buffy just outside the door): Um - nothing. How about this one? (He shows Angel the middle small picture of Xander from (I think) season 3 when he looked absolutely at his best, posing against a weird church-window-y background).
Angel: (suspicious) I can't help noticing how these are all very old pictures. How about something more recent?
Xander (stuffing the empty doughnut box down the back of the couch, along with all the most recent photos): Don't have any.

They go through more pictures, with Angel wondering why Xander keeps picking out all the ones where he looks - well, kind of sultry for a guy. In the end, Angel picks the big calendar picture, which is sort of a compromise. Xander looks a little older and therefore slightly (only slightly) less biteable and what's more he's wearing an awful sweater that Angel knows Spike will make fun of for hours.

Xander: (both relieved and oddly disapointed) We done here?
Angel: Yes :thinks - this has been a really weird afternoon:

A-and that's probably the closest I'll ever get to writing Spander. Tune in again next month to see if Angel fares any better with his next - well, I can't actually say 'victim' because poor old Angel is sort of the victim this month, albeit an oblivious one - candidate, then.

Comments

[elisi]

and what's more he's wearing an awful sweater that Angel knows Spike will make fun of for hours.
*snicker*

A-and that's probably the closest I'll ever get to writing Spander.
And this is probably the closest I'll ever get to reading it, so that works out well! :)

I do love these little stories - the world needs more fluff! (I can call it fluff, right? I'm not sure how to categorise it.)

[shapinglight]

Oh, it's fluff all right. Everyone basically likes each other and everyone adores Spike. Couldn't be fluffier.

Also, who made that icon? Can I snag it?

[elisi]

Also, who made that icon? Can I snag it?
Of course you can snag it! And it was made by the_royal_anna (I wanted a Spike/duster icon, and then she showed up with this. Lovely, isn't it?)

[shapinglight]

It is, and rather apposite for me just now.

[http://users.livejournal.com/woman_of_/]

Wow, that is a great icon! Your flist are so talented, and giving! Which you so deserve!

[http://users.livejournal.com/woman_of_/]

Xander (wipes away tears of laughter): The idea that Spike would ever want a picture of me! :Frowns suddenly: Does he want it for darts practice or something?
Angel (brightens): Good thinking. (Then he remembers that Buffy is lurking just outside the door listening in, in case there's trouble). No, why would he? It's just for old time's sake, okay? After all, you and he did used to be flatmates. You have a - erm, a connection.

Oh those lines so made me laugh, I can just see Angel now!

[shapinglight]

Poor old Angel! He's better off not knowing really.

[mrs-underhill.livejournal.com]

Nyah-nyah-nyah, Angel is jealous! :) And Xander - heh, still trying to pick sultrier pictures for Spike.
Have you seen this Drew Goddard comic they put online? Which is supposedly canon now (:rolleyes:), as it will be referred in Buffy 8.12-15? http://www.darkhorse.com/profile/preview.php?theid=11-756&p=1
This story is totally ridiculous, and everyone is so frigging ugly! Especially Zander, mua-ha-ha. Maybe Angel would want those pictures? :)

[shapinglight]

Thanks for the link, Nata. I read it and it's absolutely hilarious (though the art is quite hideous, like you said). I love that it's canon, because it's sort of cute.

[flake-sake.livejournal.com]

That's Deadman to you, Whelp
Heh, oh yes! I like him.

That was fun and I'm pretty sure, Spike would loathe pictures of rentboys just as much as those of schoolgirls. :)

And that was the perfect dose of Spander for me. More isn't my thing.

[shapinglight]

and I'm pretty sure, Spike would loathe pictures of rentboys just as much as those of schoolgirls. :)

Goodness me, yes! He'd be shocked, I tell you. Shocked!

[hello-spikey.livejournal.com]

heehee. Very cute.
I love that alphabet icon!

Love Xander hiding the donuts and the recent pictures. Precious! *pats his belly*

[shapinglight]

I love that alphabet icon!

It's by awmp if you want to snag it.

Poor old Xander! Mind you, he had fun messing with Angel's head.

[gillo]

That's Dead

man

to you, Whelp (see, I told you?)

True, we cannot say we were not warned. Love Xander trying to hide his addiction to donuts and continuing hots for our boy. Sweet. (And I am so not a Spander reader!)

[shapinglight]

(And I am so not a Spander reader!)

I've read plenty of Spander but no, as a rule, it's not my Thing. However, I thought I should attempt it for the sake of puppies and Christmas or something.

[missmurchison.livejournal.com]

Hee! Poor puffy Xander, always in denial!

[shapinglight]

Heh! True, though in this case, he's not the only one.

[lyr]

Oh, poor lads. *snicker* I do love watching how adorably awkward Angel and Xander are together, and I must admit that it's very good of Xander to never have taunted Angel with the whole Spander history at any time during those two years of conjugal bliss. Very magnanimous of Xander, indeed!

[shapinglight]

and I must admit that it's very good of Xander to never have taunted Angel with the whole Spander history at any time during those two years of conjugal bliss. Very magnanimous of Xander, indeed!

I agree. It's very noble of him, and I absolutely can't blame him for having a little fun at Angel's expense.

[twilightofmagic.livejournal.com]

Whoohoo. SL writes Spander. Yes you did, you clever and open-minded thing you. Makes me very happy. Doesn't it feel good to step out a little? Go on, you know it does ;-)

[shapinglight]

Glad you enjoyed it, ToM. It is good to step out of your comfort zone occasionally, isn't it?

[candleanfeather.livejournal.com]

Yay, my prefered silly sweet of the month. Bounces happily around.

"Xander (clicking the sound off on the TV): You want what? I don't think I heard you right, Deadboy (because this being the sort of post it is, fannish cliches are going to get everywhere).
Angel (grumpy): That's Deadman to you, Whelp (see, I told you?)."

LOL

[shapinglight]

Glad you liked it, love. Next month, it's Giles's turn. Wonder what he'll have to say to poor old Angel?

[mere-ubu.livejournal.com]

"They go through more pictures, with Angel wondering why Xander keeps picking out all the ones where he looks - well, kind of sultry for a guy."

Hee! I wondered that myself. Perhaps the person who compiled March was trying to find pics that back up Calendar!Xander's assertion of moist deliciousness? (I tried writing that several different ways, and none of them sounded good. I give up!)

Thanks for this--sooo funny. :D

[shapinglight]

Glad you liked it.

Perhaps the person who compiled March was trying to find pics that back up Calendar!Xander's assertion of moist deliciousness?

Heh! I expect you're right. In fact, Xander probably bribled whoever it was, or threatened to set Dracula on them.