The Calendar Post

[shapinglight]

Having not been at home at the weekend for so long, I'd forgotten how dead LJ can be. However, since it's already May 4th, I thought it was either get on with the Calendar Post, or give them up altogether, so I've opted to carry on. It's been awfully hard thinking what to write this time, it being Dawn month. However, I've given it my best shot.

Last month this happened. Now read on.



As those of you who battled their way through the absurdities that made up last year's calendar posts will know, Dawn - having drawn the short straw -was last seen trying to distract God Joss from the misdemeanours of the rest of the cast by opening her eyes ultra-wide and looking very skinny. Not surprisingly, this has rather worn her out and she's not in the best of tempers.

Angel (peering cautiously around the bedroom door): Er- hi, Dawn.
Dawn (cross voice): Go away!
:Angel attempts to back up, only to be shoved into the room hard by Buffy:
Dawn (voice rising): I thought I told you to go away!!
Angel (flattening himself against the door in terror): Please don't scream! Please don't scream!
But it's too late.
Dawn: Get out, get out, get out!!!
Angel throws himself to the ground. The whole building shakes. Sonic booms are heard as far away as Australia.
Angel (small voice): Is it safe to come out now?
Dawn (sarcastic): Gee, I don't know. It depends what you want. If you ask me to open my eyes really wide, I'll scream again!!!!
Angel: No! Please! Anything but that. Shut your eyes if you want.
Dawn (sobs): That's the nicest thing anyone's said to me in ages. Buffy and the others have been soo unfair about the fact that I betrayed them to You Know Who. Like, how unreasonable can you get?!!!!!
Angel: Um -
Dawn (interrupting): And I didn't get anything out of it except to be made into a boring giant!!!!!!
:Angel snores, then wakes up with a jerk:
Angel: Sorry about that. I suddenly felt very bored and I must have fallen asleep.
Dawn (gloomy): See!!!!!!!
There then follows a short lull in proceedings while Angel explains what he wants and they get out various photographs.
Angel: Aren't these photos all kind of old? :points at the bottom small picture of Dawn from early BtVS season 5). You only look about twelve.
Dawn (glares, and voice gets noticeably louder): I was fourteen!!!!!!!!
Angel (winces but manages to resist putting his hands over his ears): Sorry. :Looks through pictures, holds up the middle small picture of season 5 Dawn in a sequinned t-shirt: They all seem to be the same.
Dawn (frowns, goes through pictures: Buffy must have taken all the most recent ones!!!!!!!!!
Angel (blinks): Why would she do that?
Dawn (glaring and picking up the top small picture, which is of herself and Buffy, also from season 5, voice rising another decibel): She wants Spike to go on thinking of me as a little girl, so he won't like me more than her. It's not fair!!!!!!!!!!
Angel (on the verge of bolting): Buffy wouldn't do that.
Dawn: Oh, she soo would. She's very insecure!!!!!!!!!!!
Buffy (on the other side of the door): I am not!
Dawn: Oh, yes you are!!!!!!!!!!!!
Buffy: No, I'm not!!
Dawn: Are!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Buffy: Am not!!!
Dawn: Are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Buffy: Am not more times than you can say are, so there!!!!
Angel, meanwhile, has taken one look at Dawn's face, thrown himself over the back of the couch and put a cushion over his head. He clutches the big calendar picture, which is another shot of Very Young Dawn in the sequinned t-shirt, tightly in his hand.
Angel (hanging on for dear life as the floor begins to shake): I never thought making a photo album could be this dangerous!

Will Angel survive the Dawnquake? Will he make it home to his pookie for some much needed R&R? Tune in to next month's exciting installment to find out, or possibly watch paint dry.



Also, sueworld2003, who is again without internet, wanted me to let everyone know that it'll probably be Tuesday at the earliest before she'll be back. In the meantime, she's taking the fight back to them.

Comments

[hello-spikey.livejournal.com]

What a brave brave Angel!!

Poor Dawn, always looking helpless, screaming, or transformed into a boring giant!

[shapinglight]

I know! It's not fair, is it? We're still waiting, after more than a year, for Giant!Dawn to have any point to her at all.

[http://users.livejournal.com/woman_of_/]

Oh Poor Angel, and his sensitive ears. She could've deafened the poor guy! Spike will have to give him some TLC!

Missing Sue, and her wonderful posts. Hope she kicks VMedia hard, where it hurts!

[shapinglight]

Yes, me too. It's not the same without her round here.

[gillo]

another shot of Very Young Dawn in the sequinned t-shirt

I thought that was particularly unimaginative of the calendar-maker. The two photos are so similar. Surely there was at least one S6 or S7 shot they could have used?

You did a good job with feeble material. Poor Angel having to deal with so much Dawn-squealing.

[shapinglight]

I thought that was particularly unimaginative of the calendar-maker.

Yes, they were a pretty poor lot, weren't they? Have to say, wish it was still Giles month.

[mere-ubu.livejournal.com]

*lol* Poor peevish Dawn. I'm sure she's exhausted from her abnormally long pubescence and polishing her hair.

After complaining all April about pouty-smirky Giles, my husband now says that he misses him already.

[shapinglight]

I'm sure she's exhausted from her abnormally long pubescence and polishing her hair.

Yes, it's a tough life.

And I know how your husband feels. Wish it was still Giles month.

[elisi]

Pooooooor Dawn. Maybe trampling Tokyo will cheer her up?

(Also poor Angel of course, but he's a big boy. I'm sure he'll be OK in the end.)

[shapinglight]

Maybe trampling Tokyo will cheer her up?

Given how crack!tastic BtVS season 8 is, it probably will.

Angel will be fine. It was a pretty thick cushion.

[mrs-underhill.livejournal.com]

That was hilarious!!!!! (Sorry, Dawn's screaming is contagious :)).
Poor Angel. And you gotta admire Spike more for putting up with her so well. Maybe Spike could give Angel some pedagogical tips on Dawn's handling. :)

[shapinglight]

Maybe Spike could give Angel some pedagogical tips on Dawn's handling. :)

Heh! Maybe, if he can make himself heard. Poor Dawn! I honestly couldn't think what else to do with her.

[candleanfeather.livejournal.com]

"Will Angel survive the Dawnquake?" Dawnquake! Lol!
Sure, Dawn's piercing shrieks could have been a terrible weapon against vampire's delicate hearing. Buffy should have used it against her enemies, it would have saved her so much hard work. :-)

[shapinglight]

I agree. Why do people never think of these things?

[adso-von-melk.livejournal.com]

Poor Angel! *pets him* :D

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I know! He's going to need a nice long holiday after this - and probably that little ingrate Spike hasn't got him anything in return.

:grumble, grumble:

[lyr]

Ah, I was wondering why it didn't really feel like May to me yet. Without a calendar post, it just isn't a new month.

And I can hardly blame poor Angel---I, too, would dive behind a couch and cover my ears if I were faced with a screeching Dawn (and really, is there any other kind?).

[shapinglight]

Poor Dawn! It just goes to show that one's defining characteristic can end up being quite the opposite of what one wishes.