shapinglight | Rising Sap: a Fairy!Spangel ficlet

Oh, okay, you asked for it, and if I'm going to do it, I'd better do it now, because I'm going to see Brokeback Mountain in twenty minutes and that might dampen my mood.

I couldn't bring this in as a short-short, which is 1000 words or less so it's whatever is the next thing up. A ficlet?

Setting: a garden, spring
Rating: R but only for swearing (this is Spike and he just swears a lot in my head)
Pairing: Fairy!Spike!/Fairy!Angel!
Original Fairy Spike Manip graciously leant by

sueworld2003

Rising Sap

Fairy Spike shrugged into his leather duster and stood impatiently while his minion, Colin (all the minions were called Colin, an old family tradition) pulled his pale gauzy wings through the special holes at the back of the coat. The tosser was careful because he knew all too well what he had coming if he damaged them.

That done, Spike shook his wings out, rolled his shoulders and glared round at the gathered minions. Spring had sprung and it was time to remind everyone who was the boss in this garden.

"Okay, boys," he said, "and you, Colin – "indicating the solitary female minion who had little brain but very nice knockers, as per the job description in the Fairy Vampire Times – "you know what to do. Go in hard and take those slimy bastards for all they've got."

"You got it, boss," they chorused in unison, though female Colin, who still couldn't remember her name wasn't Harmony any more – because what a stupid name that'd be for a minion – answered a beat behind all the others: "Okay, boss-y, you're the –er, boss."

Spike rolled his eyes at this, then led the way out of his lair under the compost heap at the bottom of the garden and took off, his wings beating fast in the cool night air. A passing barn owl swooped down suddenly and there was a squeak as Colin – not the female one – disappeared in one snap of a sharp beak, but when the owl drifted round for a second pass, Spike was ready, fangs out and deadly thistle sword in hand.

"Just you try it, you ball of rancid feathers!" And he roared like a lion – well, maybe an ant lion, but it’s the effort that counts. The owl veered away and was gone, swooping low across the hedge that divided Fairy Spike's territory from the badlands of Next Door's Garden. "That's right, piss off home, you coward!" Spike yelled, but he flew nearer to the ground after that, the Colins behind him. After all, there was saving face and there was being a bloody stupid tosser.

A passing hedgehog paused to stare at them but Spike flew right up to it and stared back. "You looking at me, Tiggy Winkle?" he demanded, and the hedgehog quailed and slunk away, rolling itself into a ball amidst a tangle of last year's brittle aquilegia stems.

And then they were there – Sluggo's lair under the plastic flower pot behind the garden shed. Spike sent two of the Colins in first and listened with a grin to the shrieks of horror that greeted their arrival. Then he swept past them with female Colin on his arm – because a beautiful busty blonde on your arm always impresses people – and stood staring balefully at Sluggo and his cohorts, who were - both yellow and black - as disgustingly slimy as ever. Sluggo was chewing on a cigar and trying not to look scared but Spike could smell the fear even so.

"Hey, Spike!" Sluggo adopted a convivial tone. "Great to see you, buddy. How was winter?"

"Brass fucking monkeys." Spike lit a cigarette and flapped his wings so the smoke blew in Sluggo's direction and set him and his goons coughing. "But spring's here now and I aim to collect what I'm due."

Sluggo was sweating slimily. "I need more time," he said. "Things have been slow, Spike, I don't mind telling you. Mushroom dealing isn't what it was, and if you don't believe me, ask the Caterpillar."

Spike got right up in Sluggo's face – or as close as he could without getting slimed. "Yeah? And you think I give a toss about that? I want my money, Sluggo - now. This is your only warning."

He nodded to the Colins, who fumbled in their pockets and brought out the lumps of rock salt he'd made them risk their lives to collect down the Garden Path in the depths of winter especially for today.

"No! Not the salt!" Sluggo and his goons cowered back but then there was a commotion just behind them and a pile of old grass cuttings erupted to reveal four fairy policemen with their stake guns all aimed at Spike. And who should be leading them but his former partner-in-crime and current nemesis, the turncoat fairy-vampire-with-a-soul, Angel, looking just as big and twice as self-righteous as Spike remembered him.

"Hey, Spike!" Angel sounded smug. "It's been a year and how do I find you? Demanding money with menaces, there's a surprise."

It was a set-up. Spike thought of shouting "You'll never take me alive!" for all of two seconds, while his eyes bored into Angel's. Then he had a better idea, because fuck it, it was spring and the sap was rising. He set his hands on his hips and rolled his pelvis forward and almost at once it wasn't just Angel's stake gun that was pointing at the sky. The big twat was so easy!

"Looks like you've caught me bang to rights, copper." Spike held Angel's gaze, while with the corner of his eye, he saw one of the Colins sneak out the way they'd come, to fetch the cavalry, in the shape of Spike's lawyer Lilah Morgan le Fay, who would make sure that no charge could be made to stick, because that was what he paid her for.

In the meantime, Spike shrugged female Colin's hand off his arm and held out his wrists for the cuffs, making sure to let Angel hear a sexy whimper as the bands of magic steel – that not even a fairy vampire could break – closed with a snick around them. Angel licked his lips. Then he said: "Right – well, we'd better get you locked up in that inaccessible cell in the rambler rose to which only I have the key." He gestured to his men to corral the minions as best they could.

"Don't worry, boys," Spike shouted after them as they were hustled away. "This happens every year and they've never been able to pin anything on me yet."

"See you back at the lair, boss! – boss-y," they responded, with female Colin just a beat behind the others yet again.

"Oh, and, boys," Spike jerked slightly in Angel's grip as the big ponce took to the air with him in tow, flew them behind a nearby watering can, then grabbed his arse and squeezed it hard, "tell Ms Morgan le Fay, there's no hurry, yeah?"

"You got it, boss," the fading voices reassured him, at the same time as a big hard mouth came down on his and took his breath away.

"We can't go on meeting like this," he gasped, when he could, but Angel didn't answer with words.

Spring, Spike reflected gleefully, really had sprung.

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From:

empty-mirrors.livejournal.com

Heee. You know with a bit of tinkering those two characters would do admirably as OCs. Could be fun.

From:

Rising Sap: a Fairy!Spangel ficlet

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