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darker_spike Fairy Fic challenge but I don't really need any encouragement because it's spring and the grass is riz and I know exactly where the birdies is. Or something.
Sequel to Rising Sap, in which our anti-hero was carted off to Fairy Prison for demanding money with menaces (well, they were slugs, can you blame him?)
Setting: A Garden, late spring
Pairings: Fairy Vampire Spike/Fairy Vampire Angel, mention of Fairy Vampire Spike/Fairy Vampire Harmony - sorry, I mean Colin.
Rating: NC17, I suppose for mention of m/m sex, Fairy Vampire Spike's bum etc.
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sueworld2003 and icon by hellziggy.
The Great Escape
Fairy Vampire Spike sighed with satisfaction and lit another cigarette. It was good to be back in the lair after all this time – even good to listen to Colin – the female Colin, that is, who still didn't get that her name wasn't Harmony any more – droning on about nothing at all while she rubbed his feet, since at least he had a glorious view down her cleavage while she did it. She had pretty wings too and gorgeous blonde hair and lots of other advantages to outweigh the considerable disadvantage of her big, annoying mouth that never seemed to close.
Tuning her out with difficulty, Fairy Spike leaned back in his chair, which was carved out of a whole horse chestnut, and looked complacently round at the other Colins, his fairy vampire minions, all busy cleaning their thistle-swords and weed-guns in preparation for their next big job. It was good to be back.
Mind you, Spike thought, prison hadn't been all bad, even if his bum was still a bit sore from all the attention it'd been getting. In fact, if he hadn't been quite so pleased with himself for his great escape, he might actually be missing poor old Fairy Vampire Angel – the filthy turncoat! – and his great big wanger, though the thought of the trouble he'd be in for letting Spike get free on his watch was even better than sex.
With a smug smile, Spike thought back to the previous day and how it'd all started with a visit from his lawyer, the notorious – and notoriously fickle – Ms Lilah Morgan Le Fay. It went like this……..
*
Fairy Vampire Spike was bored out of his skull, and what's more, his arse was bloody sore. In the normal way of things, he'd be the first to bend over for a good buggering when it was Fairy Vampire Angel doing the driving - but twice a day for the last month? It was getting a bit much even for him.
Besides, there was fuck-all else to do in his inaccessible cell in the rambler rose and it wasn't as if Angel was up for turn-and-turn-about. No, the big ponce was just as selfish as ever, even if he did have a soul now - and didn't he realise that Spike had an Empire of Crime to run? Spike had said as much to female Colin when she'd come for their last conjugal and she'd agreed with every word he said. That was why he'd hired her, of course, but it didn't stop her being bloody annoying when she called him 'boss-y,' or even spoke at all.
There was no conversation round here either. There was only female Colin once a week- and Spike would rather she kept her mouth shut, thank you very much – or there was Angel, and he wasn't much given to small talk. No he was all, wham, bam, thank you, ma'am – or man, as the case might be, and occasionally, "Come back to me, Spike. Join the good guys and we'll be together forever," which only made Spike roll his eyes and want to puke up his guts. Had the daft old git no pride at all?
No, he'd decided, it was time to call in the cavalry and that was why he was currently facing his lawyer over the table made out of an old match-box, while through the lattice of thorns that kept him confined, the warm spring breeze blew in all kinds of tempting smells from the garden. He really wanted out.
Ms Lilah Morgan Le Fay wore a suit made out of the best spider-silk. Her gauzy wings were immaculate, like her hair, and she carried a mean magic wand. She was the best in the business – now she'd given up all that trying to kill her brother and replace him on the throne with her evil nephew malarkey – and Spike had too much respect for her to do more than look discreetly down her cleavage when she bent forward to light her cigarette from his lighter.
"How long till you can get me out of here?" He got down to business at once.
She flicked cat-like grey eyes at him and ignored the papers that were there in front of her, waiting to be shuffled.
"That depends," she said, "on whether or not you're willing to enter into that alliance I mentioned."
"What? Me an' your evil masters, partners in crime? No way, pet, I told you. I'm the boss in this garden and I don't bow down to anyone."
She examined her perfect fingernails. "That's not what Angel says."
So the tosser had blabbed, had he? Spike glared at her. "I can't help it if some copper wants to throw his weight around – and a considerable weight it is – I'm the victim, I'll have you know." He shifted uncomfortably in his acorn chair.
"So, are you going to press assault charges against Officer Fairy Angel, then?" She was smiling, the stone-cold bitch!
Spike thought about it for a moment. It'd be fun seeing the look on Angel's face, but on the other hand, it might mean no more secret trysts behind the watering can, or hidden amongst the bedding plants on the borders and that'd be – well, it'd be bad.
"No," he said, with a sigh. "You can still get me out of here, right?"
"Sure." She stubbed out her cigarette. "But I'll have to think about it, Fairy Spike, and consult with my employers. The Wolf, the Ram and the Cute Furry Thing With Big Floppy Ears might not like you turning down their generous offer. They might decide not to bale you out unless they get a different answer."
Well, there was a warning, but Spike shrugged. He was used to threats, after all, though usually he was the one making them.
"Do your worst, love," he said, and he grinned.
Of course, that stupid great ponce Fairy Vampire Angel would choose that moment to come busting in for his evening shag. He looked narked when he saw Ms Morgan Le Fay, though she only smiled at him, as sweet as a viper, and disappeared in a shower of magical glittering dust that made both fairy vampires sneeze.
A moment later, Angel had Spike backed up into the corner, pressed right against the rose stems that threatened to snag his wings and tear them.
"Leaving so soon?" he growled, trying to sound like he couldn't give a toss and failing miserably as always.
Spike grinned at him and waggled his pointy ears just because he could.
"I think you're beginning to take me for granted, mate." He smirked. "What we need is a clean break."
Angel grabbed him by his forearms and glowered so hard, Spike thought his craggy forehead might split, like a snail-shell bashed against a rock by a hungry thrush.
"What we need – " he began, but Spike shut him up with a particularly passionate kiss and soon he had the stupid twat right where he wanted him, with his cock so far up Spike's arse it'd almost come out of his mouth, and there was nothing easier to get round than post-shag, blissed-out Fairy Vampire Angel. Spike did what he should have done before and cuddled him and whispered sweet-nothings into his ears until he was sure the big ponce was asleep. Then, as carefully as he could, he crawled out from underneath him, shook out his wings, rifled Angel's pockets for the key, then took to his heels and flew.
He didn’t forget to lock Angel in, though. It seemed the right thing to do in the circumstances. Let's see how he liked being stuck in an inaccessible cell in a rambler rose to which only one person had the key.
Pleased with himself, Spike dodged the fairy police guards easily, zig-zagging round them like an angry wasp and leading them a merry chase up and down the herbaceous borders, closer and closer to the wolf-spider's lair, with inevitable results.
He smiled in satisfaction as he listened to the fading screams, then flew back home to the compost heap, only stopping once along the way to duff up a hedgehog that had looked at him funny. And now here he was, back home at last, with a mug of cowslip beer in his hand and a cigarette and a beautiful, if stupid, woman massaging his feet.
It was time to get back to business, Spike thought, with a grin. He wondered how long it would be before he encountered Fairy Vampire Angel again and what exactly he'd have to do to make up for his great escape.
He was looking forward to it, whatever it was.
darker_spike Fairy Fic challenge but I don't really need any encouragement because it's spring and the grass is riz and I know exactly where the birdies is. Or something.Sequel to Rising Sap, in which our anti-hero was carted off to Fairy Prison for demanding money with menaces (well, they were slugs, can you blame him?)
Setting: A Garden, late spring
Pairings: Fairy Vampire Spike/Fairy Vampire Angel, mention of Fairy Vampire Spike/Fairy Vampire Harmony - sorry, I mean Colin.
Rating: NC17, I suppose for mention of m/m sex, Fairy Vampire Spike's bum etc.
Manip by
sueworld2003 and icon by hellziggy.The Great Escape
Fairy Vampire Spike sighed with satisfaction and lit another cigarette. It was good to be back in the lair after all this time – even good to listen to Colin – the female Colin, that is, who still didn't get that her name wasn't Harmony any more – droning on about nothing at all while she rubbed his feet, since at least he had a glorious view down her cleavage while she did it. She had pretty wings too and gorgeous blonde hair and lots of other advantages to outweigh the considerable disadvantage of her big, annoying mouth that never seemed to close.
Tuning her out with difficulty, Fairy Spike leaned back in his chair, which was carved out of a whole horse chestnut, and looked complacently round at the other Colins, his fairy vampire minions, all busy cleaning their thistle-swords and weed-guns in preparation for their next big job. It was good to be back.
Mind you, Spike thought, prison hadn't been all bad, even if his bum was still a bit sore from all the attention it'd been getting. In fact, if he hadn't been quite so pleased with himself for his great escape, he might actually be missing poor old Fairy Vampire Angel – the filthy turncoat! – and his great big wanger, though the thought of the trouble he'd be in for letting Spike get free on his watch was even better than sex.
With a smug smile, Spike thought back to the previous day and how it'd all started with a visit from his lawyer, the notorious – and notoriously fickle – Ms Lilah Morgan Le Fay. It went like this……..
Fairy Vampire Spike was bored out of his skull, and what's more, his arse was bloody sore. In the normal way of things, he'd be the first to bend over for a good buggering when it was Fairy Vampire Angel doing the driving - but twice a day for the last month? It was getting a bit much even for him.
Besides, there was fuck-all else to do in his inaccessible cell in the rambler rose and it wasn't as if Angel was up for turn-and-turn-about. No, the big ponce was just as selfish as ever, even if he did have a soul now - and didn't he realise that Spike had an Empire of Crime to run? Spike had said as much to female Colin when she'd come for their last conjugal and she'd agreed with every word he said. That was why he'd hired her, of course, but it didn't stop her being bloody annoying when she called him 'boss-y,' or even spoke at all.
There was no conversation round here either. There was only female Colin once a week- and Spike would rather she kept her mouth shut, thank you very much – or there was Angel, and he wasn't much given to small talk. No he was all, wham, bam, thank you, ma'am – or man, as the case might be, and occasionally, "Come back to me, Spike. Join the good guys and we'll be together forever," which only made Spike roll his eyes and want to puke up his guts. Had the daft old git no pride at all?
No, he'd decided, it was time to call in the cavalry and that was why he was currently facing his lawyer over the table made out of an old match-box, while through the lattice of thorns that kept him confined, the warm spring breeze blew in all kinds of tempting smells from the garden. He really wanted out.
Ms Lilah Morgan Le Fay wore a suit made out of the best spider-silk. Her gauzy wings were immaculate, like her hair, and she carried a mean magic wand. She was the best in the business – now she'd given up all that trying to kill her brother and replace him on the throne with her evil nephew malarkey – and Spike had too much respect for her to do more than look discreetly down her cleavage when she bent forward to light her cigarette from his lighter.
"How long till you can get me out of here?" He got down to business at once.
She flicked cat-like grey eyes at him and ignored the papers that were there in front of her, waiting to be shuffled.
"That depends," she said, "on whether or not you're willing to enter into that alliance I mentioned."
"What? Me an' your evil masters, partners in crime? No way, pet, I told you. I'm the boss in this garden and I don't bow down to anyone."
She examined her perfect fingernails. "That's not what Angel says."
So the tosser had blabbed, had he? Spike glared at her. "I can't help it if some copper wants to throw his weight around – and a considerable weight it is – I'm the victim, I'll have you know." He shifted uncomfortably in his acorn chair.
"So, are you going to press assault charges against Officer Fairy Angel, then?" She was smiling, the stone-cold bitch!
Spike thought about it for a moment. It'd be fun seeing the look on Angel's face, but on the other hand, it might mean no more secret trysts behind the watering can, or hidden amongst the bedding plants on the borders and that'd be – well, it'd be bad.
"No," he said, with a sigh. "You can still get me out of here, right?"
"Sure." She stubbed out her cigarette. "But I'll have to think about it, Fairy Spike, and consult with my employers. The Wolf, the Ram and the Cute Furry Thing With Big Floppy Ears might not like you turning down their generous offer. They might decide not to bale you out unless they get a different answer."
Well, there was a warning, but Spike shrugged. He was used to threats, after all, though usually he was the one making them.
"Do your worst, love," he said, and he grinned.
Of course, that stupid great ponce Fairy Vampire Angel would choose that moment to come busting in for his evening shag. He looked narked when he saw Ms Morgan Le Fay, though she only smiled at him, as sweet as a viper, and disappeared in a shower of magical glittering dust that made both fairy vampires sneeze.
A moment later, Angel had Spike backed up into the corner, pressed right against the rose stems that threatened to snag his wings and tear them.
"Leaving so soon?" he growled, trying to sound like he couldn't give a toss and failing miserably as always.
Spike grinned at him and waggled his pointy ears just because he could.
"I think you're beginning to take me for granted, mate." He smirked. "What we need is a clean break."
Angel grabbed him by his forearms and glowered so hard, Spike thought his craggy forehead might split, like a snail-shell bashed against a rock by a hungry thrush.
"What we need – " he began, but Spike shut him up with a particularly passionate kiss and soon he had the stupid twat right where he wanted him, with his cock so far up Spike's arse it'd almost come out of his mouth, and there was nothing easier to get round than post-shag, blissed-out Fairy Vampire Angel. Spike did what he should have done before and cuddled him and whispered sweet-nothings into his ears until he was sure the big ponce was asleep. Then, as carefully as he could, he crawled out from underneath him, shook out his wings, rifled Angel's pockets for the key, then took to his heels and flew.
He didn’t forget to lock Angel in, though. It seemed the right thing to do in the circumstances. Let's see how he liked being stuck in an inaccessible cell in a rambler rose to which only one person had the key.
Pleased with himself, Spike dodged the fairy police guards easily, zig-zagging round them like an angry wasp and leading them a merry chase up and down the herbaceous borders, closer and closer to the wolf-spider's lair, with inevitable results.
He smiled in satisfaction as he listened to the fading screams, then flew back home to the compost heap, only stopping once along the way to duff up a hedgehog that had looked at him funny. And now here he was, back home at last, with a mug of cowslip beer in his hand and a cigarette and a beautiful, if stupid, woman massaging his feet.
It was time to get back to business, Spike thought, with a grin. He wondered how long it would be before he encountered Fairy Vampire Angel again and what exactly he'd have to do to make up for his great escape.
He was looking forward to it, whatever it was.
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no subject
Date: 2006-05-11 11:18 am (UTC)''The Wolf, the Ram and the Cute Furry Thing With Big Floppy Ears might not like you turning down their generous offer.''
''He smiled in satisfaction as he listened to the fading screams, then flew back home to the compost heap, only stopping once along the way to duff up a hedgehog that had looked at him funny.''
Wonderful lines love! I enjoyed this as much as the first one!
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Date: 2006-05-11 11:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-11 11:44 am (UTC)I don't think he's happy about getting a sore arse love! I'd watch you're back in the garden from now on If I were you.
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Date: 2006-05-11 11:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-11 12:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-11 12:29 pm (UTC):Smooch:
I'll use him next time. Off to get more Spike comics in a mo, btw.
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Date: 2006-05-11 12:22 pm (UTC)I'm pretty sure Angel won't be happy that Spike tricked him. I hope inspirations strikes again and we'll see what happens if/when Angel gets out of the prison.
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Date: 2006-05-11 12:30 pm (UTC)I'm pretty sure you're right. Thanks for reading, and yes, Fairy!Spike is always fun, the annoying little blighter.
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Date: 2006-05-11 12:55 pm (UTC)Justice for hedgehogs.
When do we want it?
Now.
:-)
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Date: 2006-05-11 02:26 pm (UTC)It's crying out for a protest movement.
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Date: 2006-05-11 02:32 pm (UTC)I was happy with Fairy Spike being shagged by Fairy Angel and making use of Fairy Colin's assets, but when FS beat up the poor defenceless hedgehog, I was all ready to write an 'angry from Surrey' letter to the Guardian.
JFH League
President
p.s. I don't have a hedgehog icon, so you'll have to make do with the fish.
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Date: 2006-05-11 02:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-11 12:59 pm (UTC)And even if it was all just a trick for freedom, I love Fairy!Angel being all blissed out and Fairy!Spike whispering sweet nothings in his ear.
And you say you're not romantic. It's there! You've got romance...I see it! ;-)
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Date: 2006-05-11 02:27 pm (UTC)Oh, yes! After all, Fairy Spike didn't shop Fairy Angel for assault, did he? He's in lu-urve, he just doesn't want to admit it.
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Date: 2006-05-11 02:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-11 02:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-11 02:12 pm (UTC)Just ridiculously brilliant whimsy. And so very very British. It reminds me, for some reason, of E. Nesbit. Naughty E. Nesbit.
Favorite lines:
didn't he realise that Spike had an Empire of Crime to run?
The line is simple but totally cracked me up. I guess because the empire in this case is a cute brambly English garden.
The Wolf, the Ram and the Cute Furry Thing With Big Floppy Ears
Just--hee.
And, of course, Lilah Morgan LeFay. She's a badass even clothed in spiderwebs.
Thanks for posting!
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Date: 2006-05-11 02:29 pm (UTC):Tries to imagine naughty E Nesbit:
And, of course, Lilah Morgan LeFay. She's a badass even clothed in spiderwebs.
Oh, yes!
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Date: 2006-05-11 03:01 pm (UTC)SQUEE.
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Date: 2006-05-11 03:04 pm (UTC):Holds ears:
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Date: 2006-05-11 03:52 pm (UTC)Really loved another visit from the spangel fairies!
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Date: 2006-05-12 07:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-11 06:27 pm (UTC)Just read both parts, loved the garedeny-ness of the first part and especially the "badlands of next door's garden"
And now the jail break. I expext to see his mug on crimewatch soon!
this is wonderful so funny and how great if there are people out there who can be pissed off by this kind of thing as sexymermaid suggests.
where can i find such people i feel a good old taunt coming on.
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Date: 2006-05-12 07:44 am (UTC)Oh, yes! No one messes with him, though the Hedgehog Liberation Front might be round in a minute.
I expext to see his mug on crimewatch soon!
Hee! Yes, he's a desperate character all right.
Re: people getting pissed off by Fairy!Spike - he made himself a bit unpopular in certain quarters last summer. I'm sure you can see why, him being such an annoying little bugger.
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Date: 2006-05-11 09:08 pm (UTC)hehe
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Date: 2006-05-12 07:44 am (UTC)He'll have to get his revenge. Yes, he will. Also, I should have a Fairy!Angel icon too.
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Date: 2006-05-11 09:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-12 07:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-11 10:09 pm (UTC)Pleased with himself, Spike dodged the fairy police guards easily, zig-zagging round them like an angry wasp and leading them a merry chase up and down the herbaceous borders, closer and closer to the wolf-spider's lair, with inevitable results.
I love the way you've taken the trouble to imagine all the details of this very different context for the characters. Even though the series is light comedy, you've still treated the writing of it seriously. That care makes it a pleasure to read. Your use of the scale difference, the shifted associations of the characters, and the garden details manage to convey an actual sense of wonder without the story ever verging on twee. Fine line to walk there, and you pull it off so well.
Can't wait to see how Fairy Angel takes his revenge....
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Date: 2006-05-12 07:47 am (UTC)The garden seems much on my mind at the moment (probably because I feel guilty about it) but it also looks very beautiful so describing it in miniature was a pleasure really.
I'm glad you enjoyed it and I'm sure there'll be a third part at some point (if only because Hedgehogs' Lib come make a complaint to the police about Fairy!Spike's behaviour).
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Date: 2006-05-11 11:03 pm (UTC)you funny writer *giggle*
Lili like your fairyvampireSpike but he should get a chance to stick it to fairyvampireAngel so Angel knows what he is missing...
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Date: 2006-05-12 07:48 am (UTC)As for Fairy!Spike getting the chance to stick it to Fairy!Angel - I don't see it in the near future because of the whole locking Angel in that cell and escaping thing - but you never know, maybe one day.
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Date: 2006-05-12 01:29 am (UTC)Haha! Yis. *grins crookedly*
And now I feel very left out because I have no fairy!spike icons.
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Date: 2006-05-12 07:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-12 09:55 am (UTC)it might mean no more secret trysts behind the watering can, or hidden amongst the bedding plants on the borders and that'd be – well, it'd be bad.
Awww it really is twu wuv :D
Enjoyed this so much. A healthy, hearty, hoppy squee to this :)
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Date: 2006-05-12 10:27 am (UTC)A healthy, hearty, hoppy squee to this :)
You meant 'hoppy' as opposed to 'happy', I'm guessing?
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Date: 2006-05-12 10:44 am (UTC)Yes *g* I meant hoppy, I'm rather fond of this The Wolf, the Ram and the Cute Furry Thing With Big Floppy Ears *G*
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Date: 2006-05-12 11:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-13 01:04 pm (UTC)there was nothing easier to get round than post-shag, blissed-out Fairy Vampire Angel
Poor Fairy Vampire Angel. Fairy Vampire SPike knows him so well.
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Date: 2006-05-13 02:42 pm (UTC)Yes, poor old Fairy Vampire Angel! He's in love, the daft old git!
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Date: 2006-05-13 01:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-13 02:40 pm (UTC)Still getting used to the new name, which will probably go on for some time.
I'm glad you liked my rude vampire fairies. I'm quite fond of the little buggers (ahem!) myself.