(no subject)

[shapinglight]

Okay, since it's now almost two weeks since I had a good whinge about fic writing, I thought it was time for another.

Whingeing (whinging?) behind cut so that those who are terminally bored by the whole thing can avoid it.



You know that fic I was moaning about where I couldn't get Spike and Angel to have sex? Okay, so that problem is solved but now I seem to be facing another, which is that whenever I sit down to try and finish it, I find it impossible. In the end, I get bored of staring at the computer screen and wander off to do something else.

I'm not sure whether I'm finding it impossible because:

A) it's a bad story and my subconscious is telling me to give it up

or

B) I've just reached a natural end of my fanfic writing career and my subconscious is telling me to give it up

I'd much rather think it was A) of course as there are still several stories I want to write, including the mirror story (an excerpt of which formed the September calendar post) and that series of Spike/Giles AU season 7 fics. However, there is no doubt that I've found fic writing extremely difficult this year and have agonised over everything even more than usual. Writing's difficult anyway and this year there are times when I've found it next to impossible. Not because I have writers' block (at least, I don't think so) but just because. Okay, have managed to write a few things, notably The Worst Journey in the World and Venus and Mars, but even those (in fact, especially those) have felt like wading through treacle.

Also, and even more worryingly, I think I might have be having an attack of the canons. This is a terrible ailment, during which when you're suffering from it, you suddenly find yourself going off the idea of non-canon pairings - a very unfortunate complaint for someone like me who mostly writes non-canon pairings.

I suspect this because, while trying to write this fic, I found myself unable to contemplate any circumstances in which Spike and Angel (who are actually a canon pairing, in fact, but the evidence is still barely more than subtext) would have sex. And it just went on from there. As you can imagine, I hope it wears off quickly and is just a symptom of my not wanting to write this fic.

Oh well, seems I was a bit precipitate in leaving that nunnery.

Also, as a comment on all the irritation Spike and Angel's refusal to have sex gave me, I was going to write a Spike and Angel as Buddhist Monks drabble, but then I got worried about offending Buddhists, so I haven't.

Comments

[trepkos.livejournal.com]

You got it bad girl.

Whatever 'it' is!

[shapinglight]

Whatever 'it' is!

Took the words right out of my mouth.

[hello-spikey.livejournal.com]

Worst Journey in the World and Venus and Mars are among the best things you've written, in my opinion. They are glittering, literary, nuanced stories.

Perhaps the problem is too much serious writing not enough fun? I was thinking recently that my fanfic writing had run its course, like a fever, and I could soon give it all up, but what I found, rather, was that all the mod challenges had me writing lots and lots of what I didn't necessarily want to write, and my own fear over how people would react to my planned storyline in "Finders, Keepers" had me not working on it. In short - I wasn't writing what I wanted to.

It's amazing how easy it all flows when you just write what you feel like, what you want. Even if it's just pages and pages of Angel and Spike picking out curtains, that's okay! It's what you wanna do! And what you do when you write what you term "self-indulgent" you are at your most breathtaking.

[shapinglight]

Thanks for all the nice things you said, and I must say, you might have found the mod challenges hard but some of yours have been great. But in future, please, please write what you want to write, because I should hate it if you stopped writing fanfic.

Spike needs you, you hear?

As for me, I shall try to follow my own advice. Time after time, I've told myself not to go in for too many ficathons/fic challenges etc and I always end up going in for them anyway. Because I am stupid.

So anyway, I hope I can get this one written, because it's for noel_of_spike and I've never not written anything for it before. And after that, I'm going to try and be kinder to myself. I'm sure my fic writing career will last longer as a consequence.

[shapinglight]

and my own fear over how people would react to my planned storyline in "Finders, Keepers" had me not working on it

Meant to comment on this yesterday, and should have. Was going to say, I know it's easy enough to say and not so easy to do, but you mustn't think about how other people will react to your story plans. You must write what seems like the right thing to you. As of now, I can't for the life of me predict how that story will end. I can see 3 distinct possibilities and am interested to find out if you'll go with any of them or with another that I haven't even thought of.

[hello-spikey.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I know, it's impossible to be sure how people will react, and blanding everything up isn't the answer. :P

The worry is, when you play with both Spangel and Spuffy, you have two devoted fanbases wishing you'd just do their's and not the others' pairing.

[shapinglight]

Well, this is true. I suppose it depends how dark you want the story to be. I think a Spangel ending would be way darker than a Spuffy one.

[menomegirl.livejournal.com]

I always spell it "whining". :)

Okay, so that problem is solved but now I seem to be facing another, which is that whenever I sit down to try and finish it, I find it impossible. In the end, I get bored of staring at the computer screen and wander off to do something else.

I can definetly relate to that. It's why I have an unfinished chapter of my WIP that just sits there in my docs mocking the everloving crap out of me.

B) I've just reached a natural end of my fanfic writing career and my subconscious is telling me to give it up.

This is the conclusion I came to several months ago. Which I find really depressing. I used to take such joy from writing. I miss that and wish I could get the passion and drive back. But I don't know how.

Apathy is a nasty thing, really.

[shapinglight]

I always spell it "whining". :)

Heh! In the US you whine, over here we whinge. In fact, we're famous for it. Just ask any Australian mind you, I think they whinge just as much.

Sorry that you're feeling all written out at the moment. I hope it will pass. You've had a tough time recently and that isn't very encouraging for any sort of creativity.

[ersilia62.livejournal.com]

You can not stop writing your stories are wonderful, fantastic, exceptional, exciting, full of passion and very well written! I beg you please, please do not you can not stop! Spike needs you! Never stop! Next time! With hours of beautiful gifts to me with your imagination and skill! A big hug ...

[shapinglight]

Hello, love. Very nice of you to say this, and I wouldn't worry. As elisi points out below, I make posts like this at regular intervals and so far I haven't stopped writing.

I have definitely slowed down but I haven't stopped yet.

[ex_peasant441]

You might have reached a stage where your rate slows down, I very much doubt you have reached the end of writing entirely, that just doesn't happen.

What is probably mostly happening is you are setting yourself too high a standard, and this makes every little bit of it hard work and less fun. So I second what Hello Spikey said - write something fun and self indulgent. You are always saying how much you hate it when people make Spike seem an idiot - well why not write something where he does something very, very clever? Give the lad a win - it might make you feel a bit more like a winner yourself. And then get a beta who tells you you are brilliant and not a word needs to be changed.

[shapinglight]

You might have reached a stage where your rate slows down, I very much doubt you have reached the end of writing entirely, that just doesn't happen.

Yes, probably, and I know I say things like this at frequent intervals. Either that, or I start thinking what I've written is crap. But I think both reactions are probably pretty common.

You and hello_spikey are both right, and once I've got this story finished, I will try to be kinder to myself and not sign up for things so much. I've actually been better this year, though it may not seem like it to you.

[kidcyclone.livejournal.com]

It is very frustrating to look at what one writes and think it is crap, but I assure you that what you write is very good, very worthy of writing and reading, and I selfishly hope you will continue because you are one of my favorite authors.

I agree that maybe the pressure and intensity of writing for challenges, etc is part of what makes things seem so much like work, and that writing some fun, purely self indulgent things would break up the monotony. Looking back of the last two years you've written a very large body of work, all of which is of extremely high quality and extremely enjoyable to read and reread.

I think you also understand how to write on a deep level and your stories are very layered. That can make for harder writing because first off you have a lot of plot balls to juggle and then you have a lot of subtleties, foreshadowing, and different literary techniques you use, plus of course the excellent quality of the writing, characterizations and dialogue.

I love your writing, your characterizations, and the way you are actually able to come up with plots. I think that as long as you continue having things you want to write, your writing will actually only continue to improve.

[shapinglight]

Oh dear, these comments are making me all embarrassed now. But thank you.

I think you're right that I need to stop putting pressure on myself so much. I have a horrible tendency to start feeling guilty if I don't go in for ficathons/fic challenges etc but I have to try. I did cut down quite a bit this year. Have only done 5, one of them my own ficathon and one that very short little thing I wrote for Halloween. Next year I'd better try and cut that down even more, because you and others are also right, that you can take all the joy out of writing if you force yourself and it's already hard enough.

[quinara]

I'd add my voice to the crowd saying that complete self-indulgence might be the way forward. Looking back at what I've written this year and last year I think that essentially writing what the hell I wanted has helped generally with more mainstream stuff. With me at least, I find that if I start telling myself X and Y are stupid ideas then as time goes on X and Y grow to X and Y and Z and before long to practically the whole alphabet, so I've tried to keep from doing that (and have ended up with a couple of fics that have a sum total of two comments, but hey, I like them). Of course, not writing anything at all for a while is fine too. It doesn't mean you're gone forever. :)

[shapinglight]

With me at least, I find that if I start telling myself X and Y are stupid ideas then as time goes on X and Y grow to X and Y and Z and before long to practically the whole alphabet, so I've tried to keep from doing that

Heh! I think I have to try and do that, because currently I can't for the life of me imagine under any circumstances Giles having sex with Spike, yet a large part of my AU season 7 story revolves around him wanting to and telling himself he mustn't.

I will definitely take a break after I've got this current thing done. Christmas/New Year isn't a particularly good time for me and fic writing will be the first thing that goes to the wall. From next year, though, I will try and take a lesson out of your book.

[elisi]

B) I've just reached a natural end of my fanfic writing career and my subconscious is telling me to give it up
You've been saying this for as long as I've known you, and I sincerely hope it'll never be true! That said, writing fatigue is not fun - my own current story (which *is* behaving itself now, but even so is an absolute pain to get right) being a perfect example. I want to write other things, but I'm gritting my teeth and finishing this through sheer determination.

Also, and even more worryingly, I think I might have be having an attack of the canons.
I've got the opposite problem - I'm trying to fit two canons together, and make the story fit in the overall story seamlessly. It's driving me insane, because I begin to stress over teeny tiny details that no one will probably ever notice but that I *need* to get right...

(And now I went and moped all over your LJ again. SORRY. I'm saving up your Darla fic as a treat for once I've finished my thing, btw.)

[shapinglight]

You've been saying this for as long as I've known you

Ah, I know. I'm a bit of a broken record really. :looks sheepish: It does feel qualitatively different this time, though, which I must try and turn into something positive if I can. Beginning next year, because I have to finish this fic by December 7th.

Sorry you're experiencing the grimmer side of writing. That must be doubly frustrating given that you get hardly any writing time. And don't worry at all about moping - not that you were. This is a mopey post and anyone is welcome to join in.

[elisi]

It does feel qualitatively different this time, though, which I must try and turn into something positive if I can.
Good luck!

This is a mopey post and anyone is welcome to join in.
Hee! And anyway, it's almost, almost done now... it's just one those stories where you have to re-do every sentence to get it just right. And then throw entires sections out completely because they're crap. Ah well, if all goes well I shall post next week and be shut of the thing! :)

[shapinglight]

Good luck!

[missus-grace.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry your writer's block/lack of muse is frustrating you. Have you been rewatching the show? I found that I always get inspired when I watch the characters.

And what about that picture fenderlove just put up? I know it's from a comics artist, but even I found it very hot. And it could be fic fodder for many ideas.

Here's the link if you haven't seen it yet: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_sWu0-rmtFZM/SvtNRd6A9GI/AAAAAAAADIE/dJ4dJSQZpYM/s1600-h/ANGEL_BC%231.jpg

[shapinglight]

Have you been rewatching the show? I found that I always get inspired when I watch the characters.

I really have to do that. I haven't actually watched a single episode since I finished my season 1 rewatch early this year. I did mean to go on to season 2 but other things intervened. Maybe in the new year?

That is a great pic. I do love Urru's work. In this case, though, I'm not sure who it's supposed to be. It could be Angelus but the face etc looks far more like Buffyverse Dracula.

[brutti-ma-buoni.livejournal.com]

Mainly a (possibly) inspirational icon post.

Do you perhaps (subconsciously) not want to finish for fear of starting something else after? Which would seem a good reason for not signing up for anything for a while; and with luck, inspiration will strike and you'll just have to write something.

Total amateur distance psych, could be utterly off - feel free to ignore it accordingly.

[shapinglight]

Mainly a (possibly) inspirational icon post.

Hee!

I don't think it's fear of starting anything else, no. But I do think not signing up for anything for a while would be a good thing. I have definitely slowed down and I need to not force myself to write things I don't really want to write for fear of losing all enjoyment in the exercise, which would be a shame.

[next_to_normal]

Perhaps there is an option C that you're neglecting - you can't finish the fic because now that you've got Spike and Angel having sex, they just don't want to stop! :)

In all seriousness, I'm at the same place as you in experiencing a slow-down, where fic writing seems to be getting much harder and I wonder if I've just run my course in this fandom. I don't want to be finished, because I feel like I still have ideas to explore - but turning the ideas into plots and plots into stories that actually get posted is something I haven't managed in a long time.

So, sadly, no advice from me, just sympathy.

[shapinglight]

Perhaps there is an option C that you're neglecting - you can't finish the fic because now that you've got Spike and Angel having sex, they just don't want to stop! :)

I wish! It was hard enough to get them to do it once. :)

Also, thanks for the sympathy, and knowing me I'll bounce back. I make a post like this regularly about once or twice a year and I'm still writing. As for yourself, I'm sorry you're feeling uninspired but don't forget you've not been well lately and that's not conducive to creativity. Perhaps when you feel a little better you will feel more like putting those ideas you still have on paper (as it were). I think the fact you still have the ideas is probably proof that you're not quite done with the fandom yet no matter how you currently feel.

Good luck.

[next_to_normal]

I make a post like this regularly about once or twice a year and I'm still writing.

Well, that's good to hear. :) As for me, yeah, I've been sick for a few months, but I've been having trouble writing for well over a year now, so I don't think it's just that. Though being sick has given me a handy excuse for not feeling bad about my lack of writing. :)

[shapinglight]

Well, these things come and go. I didn't write anything for about 10 years, after spending most of my adolescence churning out horrendously written fantasy stories.

That long gap, of course, is why I tend to think that any difficulties I experience writing are a Sign of Things to Come, of course.

[next_to_normal]

Yep, I go through phases of writing and not writing, too, though not as long as 10 years. It usually coincides with my being involved in fandom. But usually I lose interest in the fandom, and then stop writing. Here it seems to have been the other way around - my inability to write is making me lose interest in BtVS fandom.

[shapinglight]

Oh dear! Perhaps you've made some kind of psychological connection between the two things?

I was never really involved in a fandom before, except the Babylon 5 one back in the days of privately circulated fanzines and I never wrote any fanfiction. In fact, the Buffyverse is the only fandom I've ever been invested in enough to want to write fic. I've loved other shows but never been fannish about them in that way.

[next_to_normal]

BtVS is my fourth fandom, third in terms of writing fanfic. In all the other cases, though, I was in fandom when the show was on, and lost interest once it went off the air or there was a drop in quality of the show. I had lots of fanfic ideas still left to be written, but no real motivation to finish them, since my interest in the fandom was waning.

BtVS has always been a little different, since I didn't watch until it was long over, and so my participation in fandom was never contingent on the show being on the air. But I've reached that same stage where I have fanfic ideas but no motivation to write them, and I wonder if I've just run out of steam. It's exhausting to be obsessive about something for a long period of time, lol.

[shapinglight]

It's exhausting to be obsessive about something for a long period of time, lol.

On definitely. I think I was permanently tired when the show was still on air.

[helenkacan.livejournal.com]

Well, of course we're going to look under the cut: we're too curious.

Um, in order to preserve the soft "g", it would have to be whingeing (though that is not a word we use here in the northern colonies).

As for stopping the sex ... you could have both of them fall under a repulsion spell. ::giggles:: It would be fun to see both of them trying to one-up each other in their haste to get away.

As for writing, you're forgetting that you've had a rough year with physical challenges. On top of everyday worries, it would take a robot to write without being affected. Or have you considered that you may need a fresh start in a new fandom (even if it's only a temporary holiday).

Just stuff to ponder.
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

[shapinglight]

Um, in order to preserve the soft "g", it would have to be whingeing (though that is not a word we use here in the northern colonies).

No, you whine, don't you? Or at least that's what menomegirl says. And I'm sure I've asked people how that word was spelt before and of course forgotten what they said 5 minutes later.

You're right that I'm probably being a bit hard on myself, but then I think my problems are so minor compared to what a lot of other people (you included) are going through. I don't think a fresh fandom is the answer simply because nothing else appeals to me, which isn't to say I don't like any other shows. I do. I just don't feel fannish enough about them to write fanfic.

In the meantime, let's hope this fit of the canons will wear off, or Spike and Giles will never have sex again either. :sob: