(no subject)

[shapinglight]

Okay, said I was going to spam, and since this subject is horribly embarrassing for me, I might as well get it off my chest rightaway.

Ahem! I am a feedback whore.



Not that it's True Confessions Week on LJ, or anything, but since I was brought up to think that trying to attract attention to yourself was un-British or unfeminine, or un-something, admitting this is a lot harder than the subject (which is very trivial, I know) actually warrants.

I thought at first I would try and pretend to be all scientific and impersonal and put up some kind of poll so you could all join me in admitting you were also feedback whores, or else take the moral high ground and say getting feedback was a matter of indifference to you. However, implicating you all in my horrible character flaw didn't seem very fair, so I didn't do it.

Anyway, I am one. I wish I wasn't. I wish I was like peasant_ who not only doesn't like getting feedback, but actively discourages it by making it as hard as possible for people to give her any and glaring at them a lot when they do, but I'm not. Getting told people have enjoyed something I've written is one of the best feelings in the world for me. Likewise, not getting any feedback, or not much feedback, for something I've written makes me grumpy, and I have to own up to it.

:sigh: Oh well. Never claimed to be perfect. Should I have done the poll after all, or have I embarrassed myself enough already? Or, indeed, are you asking yourself, what on earth is wrong with wanting/liking to receive feedback? It's a British/women's/old person's problem. Get over it.

Comments

[kassto.livejournal.com]

I had very heavy judgments passed on to me by my mother, who was of a generation that didn't believe in praising their children because it would spoil them and give them fat heads. Hence it was very very rare to get praise from her.

I think it is a highly developed social and psychological skill to learn how to ask for what you want — ie to learn how to be assertive about what you need, rather than manipulative, overbearing or passive/aggressive. My mother, like anybody else, likes praise and has deep insecurities, but has a very passive/aggressive way of seeking it. Other people are so desperate for praise that their whole life is geared to getting it. A lot of people who are very successful in the entertainment business are like that, I believe.

So, consider yourself sane, Deborah. xx

[shapinglight]

I had very heavy judgments passed on to me by my mother, who was of a generation that didn't believe in praising their children because it would spoil them and give them fat heads. Hence it was very very rare to get praise from her.

Your mother sounds exactly like mine. I can't really remember her ever praising me when I was a child, though she was a very loving mother in most ways.

A lot of people who are very successful in the entertainment business are like that, I believe.

Oh God, yes! You'd have to be wired a particular way to stand up in front of a lot of people you don't know and declaim/sing, wouldn't you? I know I couldn't do it.

Am glad to be considered sane anyway, if feeling a little shame-faced about this post today.

[tamakin.livejournal.com]

Hehehehehe dude im right there with you... you know... when im not lounging on my satan cushion atop the 6ft, diamond encrusted, 100 carat gold throne...*ahem*

Getting comments, especially on my artwork, is waaay more important to me than is probably healthy lol, and i obsess insanely on when is the 'bestest' time to post em.

On a non-related note, HAVE FUN WIV TEH JAMES! And remember, keep the hands above the beltline (and no its not ok to fondle for the accurate location of said beltline) hehe! :D

[shapinglight]

Hehehehehe dude im right there with you... you know... when im not lounging on my satan cushion atop the 6ft, diamond encrusted, 100 carat gold throne...*ahem*

:snorfle: I have one of those too.

I don't obsess about the best time to post exactly, but I do get cross with myself afterwards if I realise I've posted on a Friday, say, and LJ is always dead on a Friday.

I shall have lots of fun with James, though am not expecting to get anywhere near his belt, or indeed under it. At least, not on purpose.

:looks innocent:

[vampirefever.livejournal.com]

I'm the same as you about fb. Only thing is I write in a fandom that is very small and seemly terrible at leaving fb (I feel lucky if I get 7 comments max). I therefore am getting more and more grumpy and less and less motivated to write more - just to have it ignored. My ego is feeling very unloved.

[shapinglight]

Oh dear! I had assumed that because the F1 fandom was small, pretty much everyone would comment on everything. Not so?

A thought has occurred to me just now that maybe Twitter is ruining it for the fanfic writers. No one has the patience to read anything longer than a twitter any more.

Do you think that's possible, because apparently f/b is down all over?

[deird1]

I'm a total feedback whore. Absolutely.

Don't generally mention that, though...

[shapinglight]

Don't generally mention that, though...

No, I don't either. Dunno what came over me yesterday. An attack of Bigmouthitis?

And you posted fic, which I will read as soon as I get the chance.

[deborahw37.livejournal.com]

Feedback is fuel for writers!

[shapinglight]

It certainly is for most fanfic writers. I can't think how published writers manage when they have to make do with the carping critics, or possibly reviewers on Amazon.

[mabel-marsters.livejournal.com]

I'll join you at Feedback Whores Not So Anonymous! Hee!

I too get a thrill when someone comments on something that I have written. I especially love it if they quote a particular line.

It's so odd to be writing my orig novel and only having my two betas see it. I keep thinking it should be posted! LOL! I swear that I would be writing it a lot more quickly if I had a posting schedule! LOL! I'm obviously better with a deadline! Hee!

[shapinglight]

Good luck with your novel. I would imagine that after the LJ experience writing in a vacuum is doubly hard. I've never tried it myself and am not sure I could do it at all.

[cafedemonde.livejournal.com]

I lurves FB and really want it a lot! So don't feel bad. I kinda feel like if I could sit down and write for hours and try to put out something cohesive, interesting, sometimes smutty, in-character, ...well you get the picture... If I can do that and someone reads it, please just hit reply and let me know if it works.

People say they love a certain fic, then I post that fic, which for a while was a very difficult thing for me to do because of serious lack of time, and I get like two comments. It is discouraging and may be, unconsciously, why I am not all gung-ho to write as much as I once was.

Or I could just be reading too much fic and that's taking up my free time :-)

[shapinglight]

Or I could just be reading too much fic and that's taking up my free time :-)

Well, it does take up a lot of time, and we are all very busy for the most part. It's difficult portioning online time up into writing time/reading time. I think I have to try and get better at it (something I fear I've been saying for years).

I'm glad to discover I'm not the only one who craves f/b, though truthfully I was pretty sure I wasn't. Still feel a bit embarrassed about this post, because honestly where f/b goes, I still do okay for the most part. But if it encourages me to try and f/b other people more then it's a good thing, right?

[http://users.livejournal.com/mad_brilliant_/]

Nah, it's not a flaw. It's just being human. :) I'm the same way when I post photos in my LJ. I love to get feedback.

I do have difficulty leaving feedback, mostly because I get very shy and think my feedback sucks. I see other people saying things so eloquently, then I come in with "Me like" or some such. Aaack. :)

[shapinglight]

Ah, you mustn't be shy. Though it is of course wonderful to get long, thoughtful comments in f/b, most fic writers know that people are very often too busy to do that. Plus, even if you like something a lot, it can often be very hard to think of something to say about it. I have the exact same problem. I always think my f/b is terrible these days.

But I think fic writers aren't lying when they say they appreciate every comment.

[rahirah]

Who isn't?

I don't beg for feedback or hold stories hostage for feedback or castigate my readers for not giving me enough feedback (mainly because if I don't get feedback, I assume it's because A) the story sucks, or B) I didn't promote it properly) but you can bet that every time I post fic, I sit there gnawing on my fingernails, waiting for the first comment, anxiously comparing the comment count of Story A to that of Story B and feeling elated or deflated if it's gone up or down.

[shapinglight]

Who isn't?

Well, I'm assuming there's always an exception that proves the rule.

And I'm the same as you. Can't bring myself to ask for feedback, wouldn't dream of doing the blackmail thing, but desperately want it all the same.

[angearia.livejournal.com]

I'll join you in being a feedback whore. And oh your thoughts are funny about putting up a sham poll to hide your true confession. Bless you!

[shapinglight]

Glad you thought it was funny. Also, very sorry I've been such a poor f/b'er myself of late. If nothing else, this post has been a wake-up call to me to be a better commenter.

[thismaz.livejournal.com]

I'm in the what on earth is wrong with wanting/liking to receive feedback? camp. You spend time and effort producing something, you put a bit of yourself into it, you post it up for all the world to see, yes, it's nice to know that someone(s) else did more than open the post, read the first three lines and wander off.
I think there's two things going on. Until you said it, I wouldn't have thought about it in those terms, but maybe there is a generational/cultural thing in the not asking for comment. As an explanation, it seems to fit with my reluctance to cross post to multiple communities, as I see some people do.
But there is also the self-preservation thing. If you allow yourself to invest too much in receiving comments, you're setting yourself up to feel hurt/disappointed/unappreciated if/when they don't stack up. No one wants to feel like that, so a bit of preparatory self-defense is not a bad tactic. Of course, it's more of a necessity for some of us than for others *g*

[shapinglight]

I think you have something there, Maz. I also am reluctant to post to communities, unless the nature of what I'm posting is such that I decide to only post it to a particular community. Has been known to happen. I used to post only on sickchicks because I was sure no one else would want to read such 'filth.' :)

[treadingthedark.livejournal.com]

Not a writer, but love reading these kinds of things about feedback because sometimes I think for some of us just leaving feedback can be intimidating. It may sound silly but sometimes I go through cycles where I think everything I post is stupid.

So when I read something that says its okay just to leave a "great story" or "I liked this" it's a great relief.

[menomegirl.livejournal.com]

It's perfectly okay to leave short comments like that. At the very least, they let the author know that someone took the time to read what they've done and appreciated it enough to reply. And it's awful nice just to be told someone liked it. :)

[petzipellepingo.livejournal.com]

I'm not much of a writer, to put it mildly, but comments in general are always sweet. And none of us is perfect so have a nice box of love.

[shapinglight]

Thank you, Petzi, though have to admit am feeling pretty shame-faced about this post today.

Still, if it reminds me to be a better commenter myself, that's a good thing, surely?

[whichclothes.livejournal.com]

I'm a feedback whore, too. And obsessive about checking my posts for comments. And, when one entry in a multi-chapter fic gets slightly few comments than the previous one, I have to bash myself in the head to keep myself from concluding that nobody loves me anymore.

Seriously, having fearfully posted my first fanfic only 6 months ago, it's been the comments that have kept me writing. Plus, I've come to meet some really interesting people!

[shapinglight]

I was the same when I started posting fic. If something got less comments, I'd angst about it for ages. I'm better about it now, I think, but I can still get grumpy on occasion.

I makes me feel very silly, but at least this post has shown me I'm not alone. Also, that I have to try and be a better commenter myself.

[rebcake.livejournal.com]

BTW, I'd like to tell you more about your eyes...

[shapinglight]

Only if I can tell you more about yours.